Here’s a film that begs the question, “What’s the least reasonable thing you’ve ever done for love?” Have you googled a perspective partner? Of course you have. Have you dreamily spelled out your would-be married name over and over again? Gee, who hasn’t? And lastly, have you rented a donkey to go hiking for a week in the Cévennes in the hopes that you run into your anticipated mate while he’s traveling there with his own wife and children? Well that just goes without saying.
Antoinette (Laure Calamy) is shitty at life. There’s no better way of putting it. She‘s a shitty teacher, a shitty friend, and even a shitty mistress. All of these things are evident in the first five minutes of film. I know several school teachers first hand and I’m embarrassed for all of them when I see how disorganized Antoinette is. However, films tend to favor the pleasantly naïve even if life does not, and so, for all Antoinette’s faults, we are going to root for this homewrecker even if it kills us to do so.
When not dismissing her students prematurely, Antoinette is in love with Vladimir (Benjamin Lavernhe), a married man. I can never tell if the French approve or disapprove of this sort of thing. The evidence seems contradictory. For the sake of plot, however, let’s just assume misstressing is not approved. Vladimir certainly doesn’t want his wife to find out, and thus he has to let down Antoinette; instead of spending Spring Break in Cabo or Cancún or wherever married cheating French people spend it with their lovers, his wife has surprised him with a hiking expedition in the Cévennes.
FWIW, don’t ever surprise me with hiking. Just … don’t. I will hike. I just don’t ever want to be surprised about it.
So, now is the time where sanity heads off to Cancún for Spring Break and Crazy takes the reins. Speaking of reins, Antoinette has elected to follow Vladimir on trekking in the Cévennes … and she bought the donkey package. That’s the package where not only do you hike all day, you are also responsible for the well-being and keep of a large animal you’ve never met. It’s like a rent-a-car if instead of driving it, you just walked beside it for a few days and gave it food and a warm blanket at night.
Antoinette is shitty with animals too, of course. You can pretty much assume it at this point. Does she hike? Of course not. So … basically,
this scatterbrained-but-lovable woman has gone to do something she’s never done before which will require discipline and stamina and patience all in an effort to break up a marriage that doesn’t really want to be broken up. You’re going to tell me, “this is a terrible idea.” And you’re not wrong, it IS a terrible idea … but that doesn’t make it a bad movie.
There’s a point at which the average viewer will recognize Antoinette has a 0% chance of success in her quest for Vladimir. You might recognize it before she even leaves her classroom, or you might not cotton on until she has her inevitable confrontation with Vladimir’s wife about halfway through. Once you get there – one way or another- My Donkey, My Lover & I is an enjoyable film. Another, easier way to get there: root for the donkey. When the donkey shows up, empathize with the donkey and you might just love this film. I won’t go there, but I did like Antoinette and her donkey well enough to enjoy this long walk in the Cévennes.
The other woman is a self-made morass
When her affair becomes an incomplete pass
She gets a donkey substitute
And some wisdom, quite astute:
There’s no replacement for a quality ass
Not Rated, 97 Minutes
Director: Caroline Vignal
Writer: Caroline Vignal
Genre: Bestiality?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Donkeys
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Lovers
