But, hey, aren’t musicals fun? Wrap your head around that thought while watching miserable cynics use their waning stardom to exploit a genuine crisis in a genuine small town in the genuine Midwest that needs to learn a genuine lesson … just not from any of the people who are teaching it. But, hey, aren’t musicals fun?
In a dartboard attempt to find the awards table again, Netflix unleashed upon its viewers a musical that had all the trappings of past glory-hunters: star power, messaging, controversy, joy, tears, but mostly music! Sweet, sweet music. Does it matter that the message delivery was flawed? Only to reviewers; here, enjoy another number.
The tiny town of Edgewater, Indiana, cancelled The Prom because a student (Jo Ellen Pellman) is gay. Does this happen in real life? Of course it does, but bigots are usually better at hiding the true reason. Meanwhile, four washed-up Broadway talents (Meryl Streep, James Corden, Nicole Kidman, Andrew Rannells) have just finished bombing on opening night and suddenly find their collective careers have exited stage left. Fighting for relevance, one of them gets the bright idea to take up a cause and – lookie here—there’s a fire in Indiana that everybody is Jonesin’ about.
This is wrong. This is wrong . This is wrong. This is wrong on so many levels. Say, America, don’t you love it when out-of-staters come to your home town and tell you how screwed up you are? And don’t you love it when they 
have a severe cultural disdain for everything you’re about? Look, I hate MAGA and I think bigots suck and deserve every tongue-lashing they’ve opened themselves up to, but it’s hard to find sympathy for any holier-than-thou crowd, especially one who is just there for self-promotion.
And you know what? I bet this is how MAGA sees liberals … as self-promoting, carpet-bagging cynical cheats. Yeah, pal, we’d all be on the side of bigotry and border walls and voting restrictions and anti-environmentalism and hate-speech and alternative facts if only we were honest with ourselves. That makes sense. Do you truly believe anybody who doesn’t care would choose to be liberal? The other side has all the power, money, and guns.
So The Prom is a shitty premise wasted on a noble cause. Doncha hate that? However -and I cringe as I say this – the music was quite good. I enjoyed several numbers from the production including “Tonight Belongs to You”, “Love Thy Neighbor”, and -especially- the show-stopping closer “It’s Time to Dance.” God, I hate myself for enjoying this. There’s more phony here than a Trump ass-kissing contest and more cheese here than a Wisconsin dairy farm. Damn you, The Prom. You have the right message, but the wrong messenger.
I swear to God, if I had any real talent, I’d write MAGA: The Yuge Mega Trump Musical. It starts off during the primaries with an anticipatory opening number “Can He Do It? Can that (Hate Pumpkin) Actually Do It?” As he gains the presidency and finds the TV again and again and again, the evil Satan-worshipping pedophile Democratic Snowflake Monster looms, but is frightened away with a power ballad: “F*** Your Feelings” which signals the end of Act I. In Act II, the tone is more somber. Trump laments in song “Alabama Wasn’t There the Last Time I Checked” which yields to a painful introspective love song by KKKaren Maga, “He’s Not Hurting the People He Needs to Be Hurting.” It seems like all is lost when the Snowflake Monster returns with the COVID Monster, the Impeach Monster, and the Election Monster – but Trump quickly proves those monsters are fake and the musical ends with a joyous finale entitled “COUP!” And some weird dude in face paint and a Viking Hat is suddenly named Secretary of State.
The End.
♪MAGA, look at me
And don’t stop looking at me
Don’t call a doc or even a vet
Just ignore how much that I sweat
Oh yeah
I’m the best you see
Whatever makes you happy
I’m the guy who did all of that
Whatever went wrong is his fault
Remember my game:
Blame!
I’m gonna lie forever
Light up Twitter with my shit (SHIT!)
I can accuse forever
Wreck it all and then I will split♫
Rated PG-13, 130 Minutes
Director: Ryan Murphy
Writer: Bob Martin and Chad Beguelin
Genre: Sing the mediocrity away!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Hopeless songsters
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Political hounds across the spectrum
♪ Parody Inspired by “Fame!”
