Melissa McCarthy looks like she’d be winded climbing a flight of stairs. This isn’t a sexist thing; I’d say the same thing of John Goodman … or the corpse of Chris Farley. Similarly, if you put red tights and a cape on Goodman, you’d get more gawking than cheering. I suppose that’s the joke here – wouldn’t it be funny if a pair of horribly out-of-shapesters were superheroes? Honestly? It makes as much sense as “a radioactive super-spider bit me and now I can scale walls” or “this green alien dude gave me a power ring and now I literally make my own fun.”
The unlikelihood of Melissa McCarthy athleticism is enhanced by the fact that Lydia (McCarthy) seems
to have the IQ of a pork dumpling. So we’re not exactly in “world’s greatest detective” territory here, either. But that’s ok, her childhood bff Emily (Octavia Spencer) is a genius. So much so that she leaves the only formula for turning an average adult into Wonder Woman available for the human dumpling to partake. Where did you get this plot from, huh? Let me guess, the same place where you got the shitty title: “Thunder Force.”
Lydia and Emily were childhood friends, but split because –when it comes right down to it- Lydia is basic and Emily is the kind of person who in the movies is so smart they become a fortune 500 billionaire … and yet still goes
unrecognized on the street. Hold up. Emily owns tall buildings with her name on them. Obviously, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s rich (*cough* Trump *cough*), but it does mean she’s probably recognizable and certainly learned how to solve problems using money and influence rather than personal DNA enhancements. I’m sorry, but when she’s out in public wearing her super mask-less uni, why don’t people recognize her?
In attempting to rekindle their childhood magic, Lydia gains audience with Emily, and then accidentally starts herself on the Jenny Rage diet. This is one of those action films in which the birth of the superhuman is told in
much more detail than what the super people might actually might do with their superpowers. Lydia becomes Lady Hulk and Emily resigns herself to being the Invisible Woman. Getting Lydia to use her powers is easy; she’s naturally a bull in a CGI shop. Emily, OTOH, needs to be coerced just to go outside. She shows up for fights pretty much only because she’s got top billing. Past that? Well, good luck Octavia Spencer fans; Emily is super rich, super intelligent, and has super powers and yet this film will do super next-to-nothing for you.
I didn’t mean this to be an all-day pan-orama. It just sort of turned out that way, because
days later I see exactly how stupid this film is. So why didn’t I hate it? One reason: Jason Bateman as The Crab. Bateman steals the show as a low-key looting lobster, a chilled criminal crustacean, a mellow misbehaving mollusk. [Take your pick.] Dude is essentially Jason Bateman with crab-like pincer arm/hands. Not only is the look top-of-the-line silly, but the bizarre attraction between he and Lydia was my favorite part of the film – well, either that or The Crab literally scuttling sideways out of danger. Is all of that goofy enough to save a film? No, but it came much closer than I thought it would.
Two women with bodies made for vacations
Decide that heroism is more than recreations
Dunno about “super”
Their oeuvre is “blooper”
If only you could thwart foes with nominations
Rated PG-13, 106 Minutes
Director: Ben Falcone
Writer: Ben Falcone
Genre: Supermom!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Melissa McCarthy fans
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who takes The Avengers seriously
