Frances doesn’t feel. Getting an emotion –any emotion- out of her seems to be quite a challenge. This is actually a huge asset when we consider our protagonist; if we thought she were getting something she truly craved out of sleeping with a 16-yer-old student, we might loathe her. Instead, we just kind of feel sorry for Frances, which is odd thing to feel about a protagonist in a comedy, but Frances Ferguson is an odd film; few producers make films exploring the lighter side of pedophilia.
Narrated as a matter-of-fact documentary by Nick Offerman, Frances Ferguson (Kaley Wheless) walks us through the keys moments before and after THE CRIME. The film knows darn well what Frances did wasn’t kosher, but it explains it as “this woman’s life is nothing” and “how much damage did she do, really?” And these are mitigating factors if you take everything you see at face value. Which you might.
Frances goes through her entire life with an expression of “this sucks,” like she’s perpetually in a twelve-hour line for a root canal she doesn’t need. There is nothing in life that brings her joy –including her young daughter- and several things which have removed any potential joy from her life, like her worthless husband. The film walks us through the crappy life of Frances daring to ask if she deserves better. It’s pretty clear she gave up trying years ago. Eventually, she gets a job as a substitute at the local high school. She prepares to teach the kids French only to discover she’s proctoring AP Bio. Oh well.
And this is where the bad move comes in.
Under no circumstances does anyone say that Frances’ meandering seduction of a high school boy is a positive thing, a legal thing, or anything other than a really bad idea.
And yet, in tongue-in-cheek fashion, the film states – yeah, this was bad, but what does she really deserve?
Does she deserve a divorce?
Does she deserve losing her child?
Does she deserve jail time?
Does she deserve to be handcuffed?
Does she deserve to be labeled and treated as a sex offender?
Does she deserve to wear an ankle bracelet?
Does she deserve to have her geography limited to areas nowhere near parks or schools?
Does she deserve enforced therapy?
Does she deserve that visits with her own daughter be supervised?
If yes, please explain. If no, then what does she deserve? She clearly broke the law … and it’s not exactly jaywalking, now, is it? 
This would be and should be against the law even if there were no sidewalks. If this were a male teacher/female student, you couldn’t stop me from insisting he never teach again and never be allowed to interact with another human under legal age. Period. But it isn’t. Is the case different when it’s a woman? Is the case different when it’s a pretty woman? Is the case different when the woman is completely indifferent to her fate?
Other than the very dark humor, I think the charm of Frances Ferguson is we the audience care a lot more than she does. That’s weird, right? It’s usually the opposite, isn’t it, especially in cases of sexual abuse? We would loathe, absolutely revile, “Frank” Ferguson, the male equivalent of Frances Ferguson. A teacher sleeping with an underage student is taboo –or outright illegal- on several levels, but it’s somehow more abhorrent when sexual conquest is the primary consideration. Frances is different; her bad choices stem from a desire to feel anything not from a desire to feel up anything. Frances Ferguson is a very muted look at one woman’s meh life and her indifferent reactions to very serious stuff. This is an odd film, and I’m not sure it’s heart is in the right place, but against my better judgment I enjoyed it a lot all the same.
A substitute and student got to messin’
In a relationship no school would be blessin’
Not sure ‘bout his grade
While the kid’s gettin’ laid
But you can bet junior sure learned a lesson
Not Rated, 74 Minutes
Director: Bob Byington
Writer: Scott King
Genre: Muted exposé
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People capable of believing that when a 16-year-old boy sleeps with a 30-year-old woman, he’s getting the better end of the deal
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People with no tolerance for gray areas
