Hoo-boy. That was a lot of film. Even had an epilogue in there so Ben Affleck could start acting. Better late than never, Ben. Zack Snyder’s Justice League, a re-edit of his original non-classic Justice League, is 242 minutes long, which is an awful lot of time to sit still. And it’s even longer in a film with Merfolk.
I think I understood this version better than the last which in my estimation equally compensates for the overblown runtime. I find the accomplishment along the lines of: “Fantastic! Now I understand this film … ok, please show me a single moment that I’m going to remember beyond next week. No? Oh well.”
Just like the Marvel world, a bunch of hyper-violent alien bad guys are shiny box fetishists. Years ago, they treated Earth like a public storage facility and now they’ve come back to claim their junk, but they lost the receipt. Claiming the aliens are 5,000 years past the “next Thursday at 9 am” deadline, the ancient tribes of Earth said, “Sorry, these boxes are ours now.” Hearing this, a dude named Steppenwolf got his motor running and turned his hammerhead shark-like head
towards a clever plan: find the boxes and kill everyone who gets in the way.
Oh, I’m not sure how, but when the boxes are properly reunited as assembled, either Earth will be conquered or there will be a ”Friends” reunion. Not sure which. Turns out, the aliens came at a really good time, cuz Superman is dead and you just know that guy had a “no take backs” policy.
So Batman (Affleck) takes it upon himself to collect the remaining heroes of Earth cuz, ya know, militaries are useless, I guess. And his recruitment strategy of “I’m Batman” doesn’t seem to go so well until he allows for some lengthy backstories. One of the backstories is even an origin story! (Ha, ha. You don’t get your own mooooooovie …you don’t get your own mooooooovie…) In the original film, there were aliens and boxes and hero assemblage. This version is so much clearer: there’s *aliens* and *boxes* and *assemblage*. Now I get it!
Here’s the thing: the whole point of this film was to create a Justice League on the premise that super people are even superer together (or just lonely). The premise isn’t wrong, but it’s undermined by the plot. Here’s the overall plot of Justice League: with Superman dead, aliens come to take over Earth. Heroes assemble, but aren’t quite strong enough to defend the planet. Out of desperation, they resurrect Superman, who has –effectively- little trouble handling the whole thing by himself.
What have you learned? “We should team up to make Superman save the day.” That seems kinda wack and completely contrary to the premise.
Now here’s how the film should have gone: Aliens invade Earth. The heroes take them on one at a time, but fail individually. Superman even dies in the process. The remaining heroes realize their only shot is working as a team to beat the aliens into submission. As a team, they are stronger than Superman and can overcome the invasion. In the end, they mourn Superman and wish they’d all thought of forming a Justice League before it was too late.
Tell me that isn’t a superior plot given the film’s message.
Part of me is happy for Zack Snyder. You write a four-hour script; you shoot a four-hour film; you want it to be four hours long. Congratulations, it’s your personal Lord of the Rings. Yet, despite the imdb love, Zack Snyder’s Lord of the Rings pales compared to the genuine Lord of the Rings. This material isn’t near as solid as the Peter Jackson epic. So while enhancing several scenes will help for comprehension sake, it doesn’t do a thing about making the plot, the dialogue, or the action any better. Several scenes are clarified in this film, which is great if you wanted clarification. Overall, I think this film plays like the version of “Layla” with the entire three minute ending the radio cuts off: If Eric Clapton is your thing, this is heaven; otherwise, you’ll probably find it overlong, annoying, and tedious. I’m in-between. I see the value of catering to your fans, but there’s an assumption here that this material was award-winning if just given a chance. HA!
Personally, I don’t think the review need be anywhere near as long as the film, so I’m going to end it here.
Epilogue:
For some reason, I could not come up with the name “Zack” when trying to repeat the title to start the review. For fun, I thought I’d explore some of the iterations I went through:
Tom Snyder’s Justice League – the light-hearted version of Justice League where it becomes a talk show. The heroes do tricks in-between interviews
Cory Snyder’s Justice League — The heroes all do fantastic early on, and then strike out consistently, Earth goes into the toilet because no hero can judge the alien strike zone
John Schneider’s Justice League – Foe some reason, the Hall of Justice is wrapped in a giant Confederate Flag, Batman drives a suped-up derby car, and every dispatched alien is followed by a chorus of “Dixie”
Dee Snider’s Justice League – the heroes essentially decided their not gonna take it. They’re not gonna take it anymore.
Justice League: Into the Snyderverse – In this animated version, Superman lives, but there are seven of him, including a bat version, an aqua version, and a Wonder Woman version
♪We’re not gonna make it
No! The Earth cannot fake it
Our planet is gone, forsake it
What a bore!
We’ve got some power, let’s use it
Maybe if we all abuse it
We can get that Superman
Back restored♫
Rated R, 242 Minutes
Director: Zack Snyder
Writer: Zack Snyder & Chris Terrio and Will Beall
Genre: “Let’s stop editing”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: DC fanatics
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The bored
♪ Parody Inspired by “We’re Not Gonna Take It”
