Why is this film not entitled, “The Great FBI Fail?” Thirteen murders. All presumably local. All executed with signature style, including bondage with skilled ropesmanship. So skilled, in fact, the anonymous culprit is dubbed, “The Clovehitch Killer.” Geez, people, how hard can this be? Go look in the town records starting with anybody who has a Navy background. Huh, what about the local Boy Scout Troup? They seem to tie a lot of knots, huh?
There isn’t money for Tyler (Charlie Plummer) to go to super scout summer camp. Gosh darnit, serial killing just doesn’t pay like it ought to, huh? Oh, but dad (Dylan McDermott) isn’t a suspect. Oh, And the family and community is super religious. Like, “sex is a sin” religious. Well, that’s a shame. I mean, makes perfect sense that such repression would yield a psychopath exploring his darker side, yet for some reason the FBI have so long since given up on this case, they aren’t even mentioned in the film.
The trouble begins with an inadvertent cockblock. Junior is borrowing dad’s ride for his big date when the girl finds a folded up magazine photo of bondage porn. Note to all young daters: pre-check your vehicle for bondage porn. If your date inadvertently discovers bondage porn in your possession, it will not go well –or it might go too well—whatever. Sooner or later –and most likely sooner- the outcome you 
desire is not the outcome you will get. Given their weirdly Puritan community, the discovery ends the relationship on the spot. Tyler’s protests turn to futility, then curiosity … well, how did bondage porn get into my dad’s truck?
At this point, it’s just a matter of time before Tyler is snooping, discovering, and consequently devoting his life to The Clovehitch Killer. This includes frequent visits with the shameless town harlot, Kassi (Madisen Beaty), who gets so named for being female and having a point of view, which continues to be illegal in the Bible Belt. Kassi is a Clovehitch-storian. Perhaps she can show Tyler how his Eugene Levy-resembling father can’t possibly be a serial killer.
The best thing Clovehitch did was split the narrative. In Act III, we get the story suddenly told from two different perspectives, first the killer’s, then the kid’s. The movie suddenly went from painfully predictable to “hey, this story has life, after all.” Is it enough? No? How about Tyler’s mom being played by Samantha Mathis? I’m not sure I’ve seen Samantha since she and Christian Slater were young and hot together. Is that enough? Not sure. Personally, I’m patiently awaiting The Clovehitch Killer sequel: The Sheepshank Redemption.
A scout’s comprehension will dawn
Is his father a fiend bondage John?
That man likes him some knots
And hides rope in dark spots
While my dad just likes to tie one on
Not Rated, 109 Minutes
Director: Duncan Skiles
Writer: Christopher Ford
Genre: Uncomfortable truths
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Amateur detectives
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Dads with something to hide
