You’ve been told not to travel with Tom Hanks, right? So this is really on you, strange German/Kiowa girl who doesn’t speak any English; you were warned. Seriously, if Tom Hanks shows up and he’s going somewhere, avoid him at all costs, ya dig? We’ve been over this.
In yet another of the endless list of 2020 disappointments, News of the World took the peculiar tack of siding with a Civil War veteran … a Southern Civil War veteran. Oh, don’t worry, Captain Kidd (when is Tom Hanks not a Captain?) isn’t racist or irate at all. I have no idea if that would have made him unique among Confederate vets; I do know that most of the people he meets to deliver the News of the World are jerks.
Captain Kidd is employed as a traveling minstrel of sorts. Having collected newspapers from the rest of the state of Texas, he wanders from small town to small town charging a dime a piece to read News of the World to anyone who will listen. I’m guessing the telegraph hasn’t yet made it to the remote corners of the West. Or, heck, maybe it’s just because he CAN read so he gets paid to do just that. In any case, he sets up shop, hosts an evening of wireless fun, and blows town $1.80 richer than before. It’s a living.
After a big night of black and white and read all over, Captain Kidd encounters an overturned wagon, a lynched freed black man, and a ten-year-old white girl who only speaks Kiowa. As it turns out, Johanna (Helena Zengel) also knows a little German — he’s sitting over there. Reluctantly, Captain Kidd takes responsibility for the child … at least until somebody 
else will. Turns out that offer doesn’t get the returns Kidd would like: it’s like putting insect larva for sale on Craig’s List – you’re not going to get many offers, and you might not like the ones you do.
I suppose we all know where this film is going: Kidd is a widower and the child is an orphan twice over; it would be wrong if it went in another direction, right? OTOH, Kidd doesn’t speak Kiowa; he sure doesn’t act Kiowa, and his schedule requires that a strange vulnerable girl be constantly left alone when they’re not traveling together. And for whatever reason, Captain Kidd attracts violence like there’s no tomorrow. I couldn’t tell whether this was a statement about Kidd, the girl, or Texas itself, but man, these two encounter a lot of folks who settle issues at the point of a gun.
News of the World is watchable, if nothing else. German actress Helena Zengel may well be the next big thing if she can figure out how to avoid the perils of growing-up famous. I suppose I believed this story well enough; I wanted it to be more heartwarming all the same. News of the World is a little like watching a version of The Defiant Ones where Defiant-B is Little Orphan Helennie. I felt like this film was constantly on the verge of making a statement about something (the Civil War, Texans, the South, orphans, Native Americans, widowers, small towns, education, newsprint, reconstruction, galoshes, something …) but just as consistently backed away from making a statement in order to promote this relationship where we already know the ending. It’s probably a must-see for the Tom Hanks club … or the burgeoning Helena Zengel Fanbenorganisationwunderbargutenachtfahrvergnügenclubben. But I wouldn’t recommend the film far beyond that.
A man not absolved of war sin
Has a small idea of where to begin
His profession most considerate
Orating to the Confederate
Yee-haw! May the South read again!
Rated PG-13, 118 Minutes
Director: Paul Greengrass
Writer: Paul Greengrass, Luke Davies
Genre: Dances with Texas
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who like seeing what didn’t get Oscar attention
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who like to glorify the Wild West
