Michael Keaton believers got their wish. The seventy-year-old actor kicks ass, makes with the charm, beds the babe, and still has time to watch Jeopardy! at the retirement home while Maggie Q is beating up foes. Michael Keaton was in his late 30s when his first Batman film came out. Three full decades have passed since then and I swear he has a better fight scene in The Protégé than he had with either Joker or Catwoman.
But I digress.
This isn’t The Relic. This is The Protégé, a film about a Vietnamese orphan who becomes the charge of Samuel L. Jackson. Needless to say, it took all of five minutes for this film to best The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard. Don’t make Sam Jackson unsympathetic; make him the badass with the heart of gold – that’s who we want to see.
The orphan grows up to be Anna Dutton (Maggie Q), an international assassin of legendary skill. In the pregame skillz assessment challenge, we see her take out a crime lord with a combination switchblade/iPhone, humbling his security in the process. Ah, but there’s more, because back in London, she’s a mild-mannered humble bookstore owner with millions of dollars of stuffy merchandise locked safely behind almost 1/8th inch of glass! Seriously, does her store ever get robbed? (And does the bookstore come with a Bat-pole?)
And one day after exchanging gifts that can only be conjured by people who imagine what rich people spend 
money on, all Hell breaks loose. First Michael Keaton shows up at the bookstore to talk poetry and ask Anna on a date. Then the store gets shot up. Then Anna finds Moody (Jackson) dead in his bathtub. It’s time for revenge, Vietnamese style. Only who did it, and why? And what does all this have to do with Michael Keaton asking for a Q-date?
So I have no problem with the heroine of an action film being in her forties. Maggie Q makes a believable assassin. I wasn’t tickled pink by how she escaped from prison without actually escaping from prison, but it’s arguable she was only there in the first place because of movie contrivance. Now here’s the big if: The Protégé assumes Michael Keaton, 70, and Maggie Q, 42, are both sexual and athletic equals. I’m prepared to accept that, but I’m not prepared to defend it. Also, whatever works in The Protégé comes down a great deal to Michael Keaton’s charm. Again, I’m prepared to accept it, but I’m not prepared to defend it. I have no problem believing old folks are still capable of bringing it; but right now it’s on a case-by-case basis. Michael Keaton? Limit it to two action scenes and tell me he spent the down time in a coma. Robert DeNiro? Raging Bull now punches like a Raging Sloth. I’m accepting this film, but it’s on notice.
Action films always supply thrills
With punches and gunplay and spills
This one’s hard to swallow
You’ve required us to follow
A fighter with days-of-the-week pills
Rated R, 109 Minutes
Director: Martin Campbell
Writer: Richard Wenk
Genre: Samuel L. Jackson, mentor
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: My dad, except he skipped to the bathroom halfway through and then snuck into Candyman
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone who doesn’t know what a Betamax is
