Who approved this? No, seriously. I want to know. I NEED to know. What bright mind unearthed the corpse of a failed cartoon, gave it the Who Framed Roger Rabbit? treatment, and expected joy of any kind? Let me be clear on one thing at the outset: Tom and Jerry were NEVER funny. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. Their antics continue to delight no one, as they have not done for decades. My generation simply didn’t have the choices we have today. We all knew Tom and Jerry; I can name literally hundreds of people familiar with the cartoon and not a single one of them who dare pretend it’s a favorite. And the object was to sell this to an audience familiar with “The Simpsons?” Good luck.
The medium of “Tom and Jerry” evolved from a time when cartoons where all about the predator/prey relationship. Looney Tunes got the best mileage out of such with Sylvester/Tweety, Coyote/Roadrunner, Elmer Fudd/Bugs Bunny. Of course, what made these relationships special is the personalities of the opponents. After years of hunter and hunted, that’s what stands out. Tom and Jerry took a somewhat unique perspective that the predator (Tom, the cat) is an asshole and the prey (Jerry, the mouse) is also an asshole. It should also be pointed out that the Looney Tunes don’t do a whole lot of predator/prey these days; it seems the gang decades ago learned to put their differences aside to play basketball.
The important part to take from all this is: the cartoon has been seen by millions upon millions; there have been dozens of imdb entries, but I’d be hard-pressed to find a “fan.” As hilariously outdated cartoon relics go, I’d sooner get appreciation for Popeye or Betty Boop. Nevertheless, they made a film of Tom and Jerry. A very, very, very bad film.
Our “cat and mouse” game begins with Tom as busker in Central Park. Jerry the mouse –who is a Grade A dick- steals Tom’s thunder and money by dancing in front of his show. Tom is a reactionary beast and cannot be out-dicked, so he naturally abandons his music to bring violent pain upon the freeloader. The audience is “shocked” that Tom –who has been wearing dark glasses- isn’t actually blind. Not that a cartoon cat is singing and playing keyboards in Central Park, but that the cat isn’t actually blind. The basic “joke” in the Tom and Jerry oeuvre is that the two battle until a cartoon maelstrom has taken place which destroys everything in its path. It wasn’t funny in 1940. It isn’t funny in 2021.
The mini tsunami claims the pathetic career of Kayla (Chloë Grace Moretz), and sooner-or-later, Tom, Jerry, and Kayla all end up at a ritzy, but poorly run Central Park Hotel. Kayla manages to con her way into a job. Jerry has become the immediate rodent problem and Tom also gets employed temporarily as a “solution.” We aren’t done with the maelstroms by a long shot.
I’m always amused when comic actors can’t seem to recognize a (literal) dog of a script. Ms. Moretz, Michael Peña, you’ve been in funny films before; Colin Jost, you tell jokes on TV for a living. How do you all not recognize this is a dud? There isn’t a single laugh in this film. Not one. Not even a look-around-the-room-and-see-if-anybody-else-found-that-funny moment. Perhaps I’m being too harsh. Tell me, is it funny when an angry cat chases after a mouse while carrying a mallet? How about when an animal gets hit with a blunt object and their head become the shape of that object, is that funny? Oh, and I absolutely cannot believe the fiction of an elephant being afraid of a mouse still exists in 2021. Does that particular trope have to be explained to millennials?
“Dad, what’s going on there?”
“Well you see, my child, Baby Boomers and Gen Xers grew up believing that elephants were afraid of mice.”
“Why would an elephant be afraid of a mouse? I don’t understand.”
“And you don’t have to, sweetheart, because this movie sucks.”
Tom and Jerry broke the primary rule of any film: give the audience something to care about. Anything will do, so long as we care. The cat is a jerk; the mouse is a jerk; the people are jerks. The one chance we have at sympathy is when Kayla loses her job, but this is immediately squandered when she cons a qualified applicant out of a résumé and passes it off as her own. As the poor decisions and damage bills pile up, we fully expect Kayla to be tossed on her ear if not sued for fraud and negligence. O
ne can only wonder what went through the mind of the writer who said to themselves, “the big wedding can be saved if we can get resolution between the groom and the fired temp.” I wish I were making that up – you know, screenwriters young and old, just because so-and-so is the biggest name in the cast doesn’t mean they’re relevant for every scene in the film.
This film is the immediate front runner for worst film of the year… and let me tell ya, the Tom and Jerry bar has been set pretty high; I challenge any living human to turn this film on at any part and watch ten full minutes without turning it off. The only thing I can imagine beating this vapid tribute to an audience that never existed is a major studio releasing a Donald Trump puff piece that 1) celebrates the accomplishments of our 45th President, 2) exonerates himself and all parties involved for their roles in the January 6th coup attempt, and 3) praises and elevates the claims of the clown car of intellectual lightweights insisting that the 2020 elected was rigged. Only such a film could best this Hanna-Barbera HBO travesty.
I have only one person to blame
For this abominable cat-and-mouse game
In toon resurrection
The ideal selection
Is the one that doesn’t end in my shame
Rated PG, 101 Minutes
Director: Tim Story
Writer: Kevin Costello
Genre: Films I can’t believe were made
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Tom and/or Jerry
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone with a genuine sense of humor
