Remakes. What makes somebody remake a film? I ask this because I am baffled as to why a studio would remake an Icelandic film about sheep farming. Oh, and it’s not just a humorous look at some men and their sheep, Rams is about two curmudgeonly rival brothers responding to an OJD (Ovine Johne’s disease) breakout in Southern Australia. For the ovine-disease impaired, this particular malady requires wholesale slaughter for eradication.
Doesn’t that sound like fun? Let the comedy roll!
Let me break this down. Somebody went into (checks wiki) WBMC Studios in Australia and had the following conversation:
“I want to remake the Icelandic film Hrútar (Rams) by Grímur Hákonarson”
“Ok, what’s it about?”
“Two rival sheep-farming brothers.”
“Are they young studs?”
“No.”
“Do they fight over a woman, too?”
“No. Both are painfully single old men.”
“Is it funny?”
“Not really.”
“Ok, is it amusing?”
“Sorta. Until the OJD outbreak. Then it’s tragic.”
“When does that happen?”
“Act I, Scene 4.”
“That seems early. Is the film moving?”
“For about thirty seconds.”
“Is there any action?”
“Not really.”
“Will we care about the brothers?”
“One of them, maybe.”
“Is it uplifting?”
“Not really.”
“Is it romantic?”
“It’s about single men who are sheep farmers; God, I hope not.”
And this conversation merited a green light.
My words are slanted to give a certain effect, but they’re not false. Rams is about men and their sheep. And the metaphor of Rams is about two brothers who own adjacent farms and butt heads over … Rams. Colin (Sam Neill) and Les (Michael Caton, the Australian Michael Gambon) share dogs but not flocks on the outskirts of Mount Barker, a mostly rural collection of weeds half an hour from Adelaide.
Lacking, literally, anything else to do, including wives, hobbies, or lives, the two square off in local 4H 
competitions over who owns the best ram. There are scenes of both admiring ram testicles in the film. Yes, there are. The prize is short-lived when Colin discovers OJD, a fatal bacterial disease, is present among the sheep in the 4H pen. This feeds a reasonable hysteria which in turn yields a state-sanctioned slaughter of all sheep in the area. This will indeed make you feel empathetically for any man who feels that strongly about his sheep.
However, they don’t seem to feel for anything or anybody else. Rams is fueled by a rivalry between elderly brothers who don’t speak to one another. Is that fun? No. Can it be heart-warming? Yes, but with the caveat that I’d feel much more for either man if he felt for something other than sheep. The plot itself is a cop-out, asking us to feel for a man who has –quite obviously- no feelings for anybody else. Rams is a cute little film, but I couldn’t recommend it even if I loved it … and I didn’t love it.
A sheep farmer had his heart broken in two
When disease ravaged his quarry to a few
Will his plan reap reward
And his flock be restored?
I suspect that everything depends on ewe
Rated PG-13, 118 Minutes
Director: Jeremy Sims
Writers: Jules Duncan
Genre: Movies you can’t believe you’re watching
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Sheep farmers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Ummmm…people?
