This Santa isn’t fat. I might not even call him overweight. In fact, this Santa is a lot of things I never before attributed to Santa: jaded, well-armed, pissed-off, and carrying a chip on his shoulder the size of a giant sack of toys. I can’t fault the film for lack of originality, but the Santa I know is like the Jesus I know – a guy who would never, ever support the current GOP. Mel Gibson plays Santa as if the fictional elf would happily trade in his traditional headgear for something that says “MAGA.”
In Act I, Fatman only hints at Santa’s identity. “Chris” (Gibson) appears to be a farmer in a very cold climate. I say “appears” because while he lives on something resembling a farm, his activities seem limited to target practice, bitching about life, and taking his troubles down to the pub. This is an incredibly sour Santa, who constantly moans about bills to pay and the horrors mankind subjects itself to. You’re just as likely 
to get a lump of coal from this Chris as not.
Oh, and did you know that Santa’s services are contracted for by the US government? I’m not sure how that jives with the worldview of Santa. I mean, yes, there are entire swaths of Africa and Asia that neither know nor care about Santa Claus, but Santa still has to visit about two billion non-Americans. The idea that Santa would be employed by the US government alone is a thought that stems from a MAGA-like xenophobia. Well, let’s face it, who else but MAGA central would consider, let alone bankroll, a non-satirical view of Rambo Santa Claus?
But, hey, you want a surly, heat-packing, angry nationalistic Santa, it’s your friggin’ film.
Meanwhile, in another dimension, is a spoiled asshole of a kid named Billy (Chance Hurstfield). Billy lives with his sickly grandmother and servants who attend to his every need. When Billy doesn’t get his way, he calls in –and I’m not kidding here- a professional hitman (Walton Goggins). Now it turns out, hitman has long had a bone to pick with the Fatman. So when Billy is suitably unimpressed with his richly deserved lump of coal, he and the hitman are on the same page: it’s time somebody eliminated Santa.
Note to writer/director brothers Eshom Nelms and Ian Nelms: I’m sure -in your minds- there is no greater evil than the person(s) who wish to off Santa Claus, but –and listen to me very carefully
– the mind set that imagines wanting to do in St. Nick and the mindset that imagines St. Nick as a hard-drinkin’, pistol-packin’, news-despairin’ vigilante are not so far apart. R-rated Santa lives in a world I don’t care to visit.
I did enjoy parts of Fatman. The general take on Santa as rotund, unassuming, and benevolent is tired; I like to see new ideas about what somebody else thinks Santa is. That said, even accounting and shifting to ignore the pure MAGA vision here, I can’t say that Fatman is a great film. You want a Santa movie that ends in bullets and blood, really? And there being a black Mrs. Claus (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) … I feel like all of this is engineered to get Mel Gibson off the naughty list. Does that work for you? It doesn’t for me.
♪Oh, the forecast outside is frightful
Social ills and humans spiteful
And the hitman has come for pain
Let ‘im reign
Let ‘im reign
Let ‘im rain
No he doesn’t show sign of stopping
He’s come for Fatman a poppin’
Here he comes down Santa Claus lane
Let ‘im reign
Let ‘im reign
Let ‘im rain♫
Rated R, 100 Minutes
Director: Eshom Nelms, Ian Nelms
Writer: Ian Nelms, Eshom Nelms
Genre: Santa Claus is packin’ in town
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: MAGA
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Horrified mothers
♪ Parody Inspired by “Let It Snow”
