Let’s play a game – let’s see if you can keep all the players in the Gucci dynasty straight: There are the two elders, brothers, and split owners of all things Gucci, Aldo Gucci (Al Pacino) and Rodolfo Gucci (Jeremy Irons). Now, follow me here – each man has no significant other and one (1) child. Paolo Gucci (Jared Leto) is the son of Aldo and Maurizio Gucci (Adam Driver) is the son of Rodolfo. Neither son has any power.
Ok, that’s it.
No, seriously. That’s it. Four Guccis. The old guys have power, the “young” ones don’t. No women are part of the mix until Patrizia Gucci (Lady Gaga) shows up. However, in this power scheme, Patrizia only matters when Rodolfo dies. Oh, and everybody thinks Paolo is an idiot –he is- and treats him as such. So the entire Gucci company, fortune, and story is all about three (3) people: Aldo, Maurizio, and Patrizia, one of whom is as old as dirt and not much into scheming. That’s it.
Now, does anyone wish to tell me why this film is over two-and-a-half hours long? Do I know why? No. I most certainly do not. If this were a mini-series, the network execs would say you were at least five-to-seven Guccis shy of a green light.
Patrizia Reggiani was a nobody who meets Maurizio at birthday party. I’m not sure if director Ridley Scott meant to have her light up only upon hearing the word “Gucci,” but that’s what she did. As the scene takes place in a night club, I’m pretty sure the background was playing an Italian cover of “Gold Digger.” Maurizio, our Michael Corleone for this tale, has no interest in the family business, the Gucci name, or Lady Gaga for that matter. Patrizia has to scheme an awkward meet cute between the two and then twist his arm to get him to ask her out. It’s all very sweet in the way it wouldn’t be at all if the guy were the aggressor. This affair seems pretty Shallow if you ask me; I bet this is a Bad Romance.
At the time Patrizia is introduced to the family, the Gucci empire is worldwide, the name is synonymous with fashion-you-can’t-afford, and yet the financial ground isn’t quite as firm as your average Italian CPA would like it to be. Could it be Aldo’s obsession with Japan? How about the fact that Aldo doesn’t give a white bean in pasta fazool about the enormous knock-off Gucci market that developed on his watch.
You can just bet Patrizia will have something to say about this when Rodolfo dies … and there it is. Power play on. “What about Paolo?” I hear you asking. Um, well, it seems Paolo is little more than comic relief in this film. Not only did they put Jared Leto under so much make-up that he looks like an extra on “Seinfeld,” his tastes are embarrassingly poor, and would be by K-Mart standards, let alone Gucci.
The weirdest part about Jared Leto playing a character so far from his appearance is that –this being a film about fashion- there are roughly a dozen model-type actors in this picture who resemble the real Jared Leto. If they
just paid him a little more, maybe he could have played both Paolo Gucci and all the extras.
House of Gucci is a full hour too long. There just isn’t enough going on here. Lady Gaga is the best part of this film, but she would be as she’s the only one given a moving part. Irons and Pacino are both pillars, Leto plays a moron, and Driver decided his version of a Michael Corleone-type conversion to the family business would be handled by slowly-and-surely caring less-and-less about the people around him. Can’t say, however, as it looked like he cared all that much in the first place. Even on his wedding day, he looked a tad disinterested. Lady Gaga needed to be in the picture just to give it a little life.
I won’t call this a terrible film. It was professionally done, made sense, and clearly portrayed souls slowly bought by greed, which is a fairly decent -if common- movie theme. But House of Gucci was dull. And it was long. And it really did need several other players to match the bloated runtime … or at least give the audience something else to think about. Savvy viewers know what’s going to happen as soon as Lady Gaga goes gaga at “Gucci.” At that point, there were still two-and-a-half hours of movie left. Ugh.
It’s Gucci for the film-going genteel
Fashion that borders on the surreal
Yet countenance sours
Over two-and-a-half hours?!
Sometimes “vogue” is just wasting reel
Rated R, 148 Minutes
Director: Ridley Scott
Writer: Becky Johnston, Roberto Bentuvegna
Genre: Not-so-epic
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The googoo for Gaga crowd
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “What’s the runtime again?”
