Are we still arguing about whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas film? Stop doing that. It is. Accept it. Move on. The true argument is whether Die Hard is the best Christmas film. One (fictional) person who thinks so is El Lay rag writer Natalie Bauer (Nina Dobrev), a woman constantly on the lookout to be burned again. And in her efforts to locate yet another Mr. Right, she gets catfished for the holidays by Josh Lin (Jimmy O. Yang), a basement-of-mom’s-house dude whose favorite Christmas film is Love Actually. Hence the title of this double homage: Love (Actually) (Die) Hard.
We’ve talked about referencing other films in your film. It’s dangerous. And here you’ve gone and titled the darn thing after two better films. What’s to stop us from saying –at any point, mind you- “Gosh, I’d rather be watching (Love Actually) (Die Hard)?” Both are significantly better films than this one.
Natalie displays her fishbowl-like love life for gawkers in a dating-themed column. Both her boss and –apparently- her readers adore her inability to find true love. I figure you gotta be part masochist and part exhibitionist to lay your love life bare for the public. How would you like to earn a living by expressing to the world your pain and your naïveté? Gentlemen readers only, perhaps you do not understand – what if your only source of income came from admitting in great detail each and every time you were lost? What if every.single.time you needed to ask for directions –whether you did or did not- was proudly displayed on a jumbotron in-between snaps at an NFL game? That’s Natalie’s life.
Ah, but it gets better. Natalie does find Mr. Right in a dating app. And if it’s too good to be true, that’s probably because it is, right? Natalie and “Josh” get along famously until Josh makes the mistake of wishing
Natalie could spend Christmas with him at his home in Lake Placid, NY. And she takes him up on it … as a surprise, of course, because, you know, romcom – how dare you plan romance!
So … Josh doesn’t exactly match his profile page. What’s important here? They like each other, right? Is appearance that important?! How shallow are you?! And how about her dalliance, huh? What kind of psychopath flies 3,000 miles without warning to surprise a pen pal? No, I’m not actually suggesting Natalie’s actions are on par with Josh’s. I’m just pointing out that this relationship was kinda doomed already. Can Christmas save it? Of course it can.
A fabricated Christmas romance between two Hollywood B-listers is probably not going to be on your “must-watch” list, especially one so readily invoking better Christmas movies. However, Love Hard was not without promise or charm. When the film allowed its leads to stop apologizing for being over-dramatic phonies and just be lovable people, they kinda were, which is all a romance really needs. Love Hard also reexamined the holiday classic “It’s Cold Outside” in a way which makes it quite evident the original is not nearly as problematic as the lyrics suggest. Love Hard isn’t going to be a classic and will most likely be disposed and recycled after this holiday season … but there are many, many worse films out there. Don’t object too hard when forced to watch if you’re part of a Hallmark Channel crowd.
♪It’s beginning to look a lot like catfish
That’s not who I met!
Take a look at his profile, then
Look at his face again
And tell me that’s the joker from these texts
It’s beginning to look a lot like catfish
I’m so embarrassed
And the silliest thing you’ll see
Is the anniversary
Of my own distress♫
Rated TV-MA, 104 Minutes
Director: Hernán Jiménez
Writer: Daniel Mackey, Rebecca Ewing
Genre: It’s Christmas and you’re in love, too? Spectacular.
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Suckers for Christmas magic
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Cynics
♪ Parody Inspired by “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”
