She’s 25; he’s 15. They’re wrong for each other. End of story. No matter how mature the kid seems, you’re not getting around that age discrepancy. If he were 25 and she 15, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
But, hey, don’t bother rooting against them; this couple is adept at spoiling their own fun. And if the screenplay didn’t keep forcing them together, Alana (Alana Haim, 30 IRL) and Gary (Cooper Hoffman, 18 IRL) would almost certainly drift apart permanently.
The action and costumes say we’re in Los Angeles in 1974; if we’re being honest, however, timelines are being manipulated. I don’t mind introducing waterbeds and pinball as legitimate concurrent amusements, but I’m pretty sure endless lines at gas stations coincide more with the Carter years than the Nixon ones, and reverse caller technology was an 80s thing, was it not? Google sez gas lines happened as early as 1973; ok, you get a pass for now. It’s weird when a period movie insists on being topical; I suppose that’s part of the point, but it strikes me as a bit contrived if not flat-out wrong.
Gary is a high school student and part-time screen actor. Though his career seems inversely related to his man-size bodily proportions, the career has given him the confidence to hit on Alana, one of the minions helping organize photo day at Gary’s high school. Let me reiterate: she’s an adult; he’s in high school. It doesn’t matter whether he has an adult’s income or an adult’s business sense or an adult’s confidence; he’s still in high school and she’s still an adult.
Against everybody’s better judgment, Alana starts seeing Gary. He’s sweet; she’s hesitant. Neither seems overly prepared for a sexual relationship. Thank goodness. But this movie isn’t about them as a couple, it’s about them constantly finding, losing, and re-finding their couplehood. Since she knows they don’t really belong together, they are never together long. Such is exacerbated by the fact that every non-gay man in Licorice Pizza –from Skyler Gisondo to Sean Penn – hits on Alana … and she’s open to all of it. Only little things like motorcycle accidents and homicide arrests push her back to Gary. We may not want this couple to succeed, but the film sure does.
I have said on many occasions the key to any romance is we the audience have to want to be falling in love with the players as they are falling in love with one another. That isn’t the case here; I didn’t even want Gary and Alana to get together with one another, much less harbor even faint latent teenage romantic desire for either
of these two. Which isn’t to say I disliked the characters; I liked both Gary and Alana. I just found them poor romantic leads and their relationship prohibitively shallow.
Licorice Pizza is a “just go with it” film. The situations are as unlikely and contrived as the main romance itself, but we’re supposed to just be cool with everything like we’re watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High or some such foolishness. That said, the picture did keep my attention. The Bradley Cooper cameo is my favorite five-minute character of the season. This picture set itself up for Oscar consideration, to which I say, ”HAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, you’re serious.” Ok, well let me respond seriously then: you made a romance in which the characters shouldn’t be romantically involved, nor do they seem capable of significant relationship depth. I’ll give you a hint: it takes a little more than a montage of “running to one another” scenes to display true depth. Of the youngster romances I’ve seen in the COVID era, I enjoyed The Map of Tiny Perfect Things, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, The Half of It, Odd Man Rush, All the Bright Places, Time Freak, It’s a Summer Film!, and Words on Bathroom Walls all better than this movie. If those films deserved little Oscar attention, neither does this one.
There once was a teen named Gary
Whose confidence was –admittedly- scary
Dunno whom to blame
But he “wins” every game
When the critics play “kill, fuck, or marry”
Rated R, 133 Minutes
Director: Paul Thomas Anderson
Writer: Paul Thomas Anderson
Genre: Relationships you’re not really rooting for
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Critics
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “This is wrong”
