Well here’s a bit of a “what not to do” when you embark upon a life of crime. The film presents its Queenpins as ladies who embrace criminal behavior like a new fad. “Hey, I never thought of breaking the law! Let’s do that!” The result is a film that is equal parts fun and exasperating, because we like the women, yes, but we don’t really want them to succeed … and we know they won’t because they’re about as professional as your average grade school kickball team.
Connie (Kristen Bell) is a professional at something; she was an Olympic racewalker. Unfamiliar with that profession? That’s because it doesn’t exist. Unfortunately, most American Olympians are not sponsored and do not win medals. There’s nothing wrong with that; it just means you’ve dedicated your life devoted to an activity that pays nothing. Our society holds no natural income for racewalkers. Hence, Connie is a coupon-er. An ultimate coupon-er. Connie and her friend Jojo (Kirby Howell-Baptiste) take advantage of every printed ad, every sale, and every discount.
In a screenplay gambit I found embarrassing, Queenpins introduced us to free couponing, as if these ladies wouldn’t know what that was. After buying a stale box of Wheaties, Connie complains to General Mills and receives a freebie in coupon form. While this surprises not one of the viewers of this film, Connie somehow sees this as a revelation. And the pettiness begins.
Pretty soon, Connie is complaining about everything to everyone, whether she had an issue with the product or not. As somebody who knows exactly what it is to write a lot with limited returns, I can tell you that complaints of this nature are going to get pretty old pretty fast – from both writer and receiver.
Then, of course, Connie gets the bright idea that advances novice petty criminality to graduate-level petty criminality – why not just steal the free coupons from the source? I’m a little baffled as how one goes to “begging for freebies” to flat-out stealing without that little hiccup of conscience in-between. I’m also baffled at how this idea is a pure winner. Folks, you’re just setting yourselves up as middlemen (middle women? You know, I think that’s my very favorite Louisa May Alcott novel). Coupons only make you money if you either sell them or sell the products that you’ve bought with them. In other words, there’s going to be a trail. And it’s going to be a fairly “Yellow Brick Road” sized and flamboyant trail, I’m guessing.
As the film is about coupons, it’s only right that even the law has a discount feel. The film had fun teaming postal inspector Vince Vaughn and grocery
store middle manager Paul Walter Hauser as mismatched authority figures on the Queenpins trail.
Kristen Bell is well cast as the head of this moronic crime syndicate; she is fantastic at portraying the “What?! I had no idea how stupid I’d been” character. She has a true gift for self-delusion; I truly hope she never becomes a MAGA spokesperson.
Queenpins never did quite figure out whether it wanted to go with the pronunciation “COO-pons” or “Q-pons” (either is acceptable), but it’s something I would have guessed the co-writers/co-directors would have settled on before filming. There are a few smiles in this film, but mostly it feels like the kind of thing you watch to kill two hours on an airplane. So I was going to give this film 2.5 stars, but there’s a discount today, so –just for you- two stars.
The couponista has a rap sheet, don’t scoff
She’s a serious criminal *cough* *cough*
The judge, under strife
Might sentence her Life
But with a discount, she can get 40 cents off
Rated R, 110 Minutes
Director: Aron Gaudet, Gita Pullapilly
Writer: Aron Gaudet, Gita Pullapilly
Genre: Discount crime
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Kristen Bell fans
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Crime fans
