Deep Water answers the timeless question, “What’s better than Ben Affleck’s acting?” with “Ben Affleck not acting.” Director Adrian Lyne decided to go with Affleck as the strong, silent cuckold type while watching his wife parade around with man … after man … after man and doing little-to-nothing about it overtly. I’m not as down on Affleck as most people -for instance, I have no problem calling Argo the best film of 2012 – but, to put it mildly, this is a miscast and not the greatest use of Affleck’s talent.
Vic Allen (Affleck) is independently wealthy and likes to ride his bicycle everywhere in lieu of doing … nothing. He and his wife, Melinda (Ana de Armas), have a child and enjoy attending parties that don’t make sense – look, people, it’s either a party for parents of kids (to get away from their kids) or for young adults that don’t have any; there isn’t much in-between. The film assumes we’ll know Vic and Melinda are married, which is a big ask – Affleck is 49; Armas is 33 for one thing. Another is that his deliberate stoicism and her vivacity brings much more of a father/daughter feel to their relationship. I suppose when he’s “helping” her pick out a dress, we can assume they’re married – and we’re told “happily”—which is constantly undermined by, well, everything in the film starting with the part where Vic doesn’t answer “I love you” with even a grunt.
Melinda is the kind of woman most every young man thinks he wants: she’s energetic, vibrant, hot, fun, fearless, and has no problem turning anything into a sexual situation. Melinda doesn’t seem to care about partners. She’s decidedly a “love the one you’re with” kind of gal. At party #1, she loses Vic thirty seconds in and attaches herself to some boytoy her own age. Vic catches them making out by the pool and sighs in resignation. Melinda catches him catching her … and is momentarily embarrassed, then continues anyway.
So I’m not sure what we’ve got here … is he jealous or resigned? When questioned, Vic makes all the proper noises of an enlightened partner, “she’s a big girl; I’m not going to tell her what to do…” etc. But she’s making out with a different man AT THE SAME PARTY YOU’RE ATTENDING. Tell me that doesn’t bug you. And then we see it – Vic corners the doof in the kitchen and casually points out that the last man Melinda fooled around with is now dead, implying 1) that he did it and 2) that the same fate awaits doof.
Oh, I see we have got a movie going on; it isn’t just stone-faced Affleck and his weird pet snails. Yes. Pet snails.
Hmmm, so how shall 
I put this? After thirty minutes of introductions, Deep Water has mystery from roughly the 40 minute mark to the 55 minute mark and it finally becomes a thriller somewhere around the 100 minute mark. Suffice to say the pacing and editing of this film are all wrong. I hope the novel is better at presenting the elements than the screen was.
Many of us are only familiar with Ana de Armas as the shy nurse from Knives Out; Deep Water is the role fans probably want to see out of her: sexy, uncompromising, unashamed, and completely unafraid to be the life of the party and the film. But the act grows tiresome while we wait for Vic to make a move. And the only move he makes in the first 90 minutes or so is told in a flashback, which feels like cheating. Bottom line is I liked neither lead, the film is easily 30-40 minutes too long, and needed either a re-write or a re-edit. Deep Water isn’t a disaster, but for a sexy, psychological Basic Instinct wannabe, it sure isn’t worth your time, either.
A man expressing cuckolded sours
Insisted freedom he subtly empowers
Behind the mask
Is there murderous task
Or did success lie in killing two hours?
Rated R, 115 Minutes
Director: Adrian Lyne
Writer: Zach Helm, Sam Levinson
Genre: What’s the difference between “psychological thriller” and “waste of time?”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People in love with Ana de Armas
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who like their thrillers … thrilling
