“Let’s put Sandra Bullock in a sequined jumpsuit and have her run around in the jungle!” That statement was the obvious inspiration for making The Lost City. I honestly think Channing Tatum’s nudity (well … let’s be honest, Channing Tatum’s body double’s nudity) was just an added bonus. “And hey! Let’s make Harry Potter the villain!”
Sure, why not?
And with that, a silly movie is born. Oh, I even left out the best part: five minutes of Brad Pitt as a no-nonsense professional mercenary. This will almost certainly be my favorite five-minute character of 2022. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Like Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone, Sandra Bullock plays a veteran romance/adventure novelist. She isn’t quite as flaky as the heroine of Romancing, but Loretta Sage (Bullock) is tired of the game. The pattern has grown tiresome: she engages in hackery, she tours with her newest piece of slop, and she feigns interest that her career isn’t one big sham. The problem is that several people still believe in Loretta. Two of them are her publicist, Beth (Da’Vine Joy Randolph), and the cover model (?!) for her novels, Alan (Tatum). And Alan’s likeness is so prized by Loretta’s fans that he tours with her (!)
So on the one hand, there’s Loretta loathing every.single.thing about being decked out in a pink sequined jumpsuit for a publicity tour appearance. On the other hand, there’s hunky Alan, not only excited about going on tour, but he’s probably Loretta’s #1 fan as well. And, sadly, Alan is an unaccomplished moron.
Then the plot shows up in the form of wealthy gazillionaire Abigail Fairfax (Daniel Radcliffe). He kidnaps Loretta because he is under the very weird impression that Loretta holds the key to finding a treasure in The Lost City. Because everybody knows that when you need to interpret cuneiform or hieroglyphics from languages unknown to modern man, what you want is somebody who can rattle off seventeen metaphors for penis without breaking a sweat. But we’re not going to fault the film for this; nor, similarly, are 
we going to question why there are leeches on a lost island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I mean, you know leeches aren’t universal, right? Well, how did they get there?
No, we aren’t going to complain because The Lost City is a silly film, it knows damn well it is a silly film, and should be judged on that scale. The movie exists for essentially one reason: to show two sexy people way out of their league treasure-hunting in a jungle … the comparison to Romancing the Stone is obvious, is it not?
Does it work? Well it does more than it doesn’t. Aside from Brad Pitt, I can’t say anything here evolved past middling entertainment. But if you want the experience of a quasi-smile for two hours, The Lost City provides. I’ve never considered Channing Tatum a comic actor … and yet the only things I’ve enjoyed him in are comedies; perhaps I have underrated the man. I tend to like Sandra Bullock better in roles where she’s more comfortable in her skin, but the woman is good at “I don’t like any of this,” which is a solid comic premise. I like this film a tad better than Uncharted … but they’re so alike, they could be siblings. If you don’t take either film seriously, you might enjoy yourself.
Here’s a treasure hunt very disjointed
About two people comedy has not anointed
Yet common sense teaches
That if you want to see butt leeches
You’re likely not leaving disappointed
Rated PG-13, 112 Minutes
Director: Aaron Nee, Adam Nee
Writer: Oren Uziel, Dana Fox, Adam Nee
Genre: Silly
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who live to see the bare ass of Channing Tatum’s stunt double
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who would much rather see Romancing the Stone
