Doncha just hate potential nuclear Armageddon? It kinda just ruins my whole day, y’know? Well, what I REALLY hate is when a global destroying problem is orchestrated by a B-actor, defended by a B-actor, and involves an idiot climax: the bad guys cannot breach the command center without your help? Well, freaking don’t help them then.
I cannot stress that last part enough. Scenario 1) involves your death, but the safety of billions of people. Scenario 2) involves the possibility of you living, but jeopardizing billions of people on the 14% chance you’ll be able to defeat the gun-wielding bad guys with one arm and no weapon. This is a no brainer. Did they not teach you this in the military? You don’t take an 14% chance that billions of people will die even if your ass is on the line. Stupid movie.
Captain JJ Collins (Elsa Pataky) has been demoted for whistleblowing. In the aftermath of General Coppy McFeely’s roaming appendages, hot female Collins has been punished for just saying “no.” She’s now ranking officer on one of two Interceptor bases. These are western hemisphere constructions whose sole existence lies in shooting down Russian nukes headed for mainland US. The base in Alaska has been compromised. Captain Collins is in charge of the oil-rig looking monstrosity in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
And that’s been compromised too, of course. We wouldn’t have a movie if one of these things were fully operational, now would we? Bad guys, and we’re talking three, maybe four, bad guys –not an army- led by Alexander Kessel (Luke Bracey) have turned on the US military. Just a sec; I gotta ask: What kind of QC system you got goin on ‘round here, skipper? Shouldn’t these “last line of defense” jokers all be die hard, Fox-News-embracing, patriotic-to-a-fault assholes? Shouldn’t these be the guys who never for a single second questioned the military motivations of W? Well … this ain’t a great screenplay.
Within 15 minutes of Collins assuming control, almost everybody is dead, which seems conspicuous, no? Anyway,
the bad guys have released “nerve agent” to the entire rig except for the command room, which seems a pretty neat trick, no? Certainly convenient for reducing the number of people in the film while retaining a major conflict. Bridge is locked; bad guys want in so that Nuclear missiles will not be shot down. Slowly diminishing pile of good guys want to keep the bad guys out. At least the conflict is clear, no?
Interceptor is a movie begging for better actors and a climax that isn’t batshit crazy. On the latter, you really won’t believe how stupid the big plan is. And, sure, have it hinge on a one-armed woman completing an American Ninja course with a clock running and the lives of billions in the balance. Why not? On the former, the film needed much better than Elsa Pataky v. Luke Bracey to be taken seriously. However, I just saw a Chuck Norris from the 1970s. I mention this seeming irrelevance because Chuck starred and coordinated all the fights in this particular film … and they sucked! Interceptor has decent stunt/fight choreography. It shouldn’t, given that the film scrimped on everything else, but the fight sequences beat the Hell out of 1970s Chuck. Is it enough to save the movie? Not even a little bit; but it is enough to keep Interceptor off my worst list for 2022.
Comrade Trump led with treason and fear
Keeping all but his sycophants near
Don’t mean to rebuke
But why care about nuke
When our destruction is already here?
Rated TV-MA, 99 Minutes
Director: Matthew Reilly
Writer: Matthew Reilly, Stuart Beattie
Genre: oh no. the nukes are coming. what will we ever do?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Stunt coordinators
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Acting coaches
