Three decades ago, movies warned us that dinosaurs and man weren’t meant to co-exist. That was pretty much the theme of the film: your knowledge of science isn’t strong enough to screw with it. Nearly thirty years later, what have we learned? Nothing. Heck, less than nothing. In the Jurassic World: Dominion, we not only co-exist with dinosaurs, we go to dinner parties together and hook up afterwards. Once you go Pterodac, you’ll never go Pteroback.
Actually, hooking up with dinosaurs might have improved Jurassic World: Dominion, a film that took aim at so many issues it almost fired at one by accident.
Let me get this out of the way. General issues the film explored:
- Environmental terrorism
- Anti-environmental terrorism
- Corporate greed
- Corporate evil
- Invasive species
- Cohabitation with invasive species
- Asexual reproduction, reptile
- Asexual reproduction, human
- Hit-raptors
- Genetically engineered reptiles
- Genetically engineered insects
- The Maltese “All Life Form” Black Market
- Edward Scissorsaurus
- Private dinosaur sanctuaries
- Kidnapping, the bad kind
Did I miss a few? Probably. This was A LOT of film.
General issues suggested by the film, but the film chose not to explore:
- Political influence in corporate misbehavior
- Kidnapping, the good kind
- The ethics of cloning.
- Endangered species preservation … why in the name of Spielberg were these things allowed not only to live, but carve up space of their own? They’re extinct! We owe them nothing!
Sorry, I digress.
I’d love to cut to the chase and announce the basic premise of Jurassic World: Dominion, but when you have that many issues, there is no “basic premise.” There’s only: did you enjoy what you saw? And the answer
is: “some, but not nearly enough.”
Only in a film like this would one see a megalomaniacal genius capable of taking over the planet put three separate (and presumably valuable) apex predators in the same habitat. This entire film is like going to a zoo where there is exactly one cage filled with lions, tigers, bears (oh my!), but also the cage contains antelopes, penguins, zebras, narwhals, Tupperware, and uranium-238. This isn’t a bad film because it ran out of ideas; this is a bad film because it never said “no” to any idea.
I think our main players are Owen Grady and Claire Dearing (Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard), but it’s hard to tell because the film gave plenty of time to Jurassic Park leads Ellie Sattler and Alan Grant (Laura Dern and Sam Neill). Owen and Claire live in the woods like anti-government militia people. Their “daughter” (Isabella Sermon) is a clone, birthed by herself. Owen and Claire stole here fair-and-square from the cloning place or whatever and now they’re pissed cuz somebody stole her back. But that same somebody also stole an asexually reproduced raptor baby and everything has been sent to Malta, where the black market of human and dinosaur trade is curiously unguarded.
Ellie and Alan have been summoned to Biosyn (think Apple) where the evil Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott) has set up a dinosaur-filled campus for his employees. Actually, you know, I’m gonna reserve judgment on “evil” until I learn how Lewis treats his employees. But there is the part where locusts the size of jackrabbits have devastated the Midwest … yet won’t touch Biosyn-seeded crops. Well, that seems a little fishy, don’t it? Could the company that engineered dinosaurs out of extinction also make giant locusts that only eat competitor’s crops? Could this all be the machinations of an evil Stev
e Jobs-ish puppet master? Nah. That’s gotta be coincidence.
Meanwhile, has chaotician Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) turned? Why is he at Biosyn? And why is Mamoudou Athie playing the exact same role, only while being black?
You know what? I’m done listing things. Jurassic World: Dominion painted itself into corners constantly. It found ten different dinosaurs it really liked, so it made them all fight each other. Who the Hell puts three apex predators in the same enclosure? The film wanted to see a chase scene with raptors and motorcycles, so it invented the need for one. The film wanted greater minority representation, so Mamoudou Athie, Omar Sy, and DeWanda Wise showed up, leaving us constantly wondering what they were doing on screen. The film found ten characters it liked, so it had to save ALL of them in the big “get out of Dodge” climax.
This kitchen sink of a film sinks for having the entire kitchen. It wasn’t so much poorly executed as puzzling as to where the film thought it was going to go from here. It’s hard to complain that Jeff Goldblum and Sam Neill both seemed to forget who they were playing because in thirty seconds there’s just gonna be another dinosaur on the loose or another plane crash or another major issue they’re going to attack with cotton balls. Had Jurassic World: Dominion identified perhaps 25% of issues, characters, and dinosaurs to show us and focused on things we might care about in that smaller ecosystem, the film would have had a chance to shine. As is, however, am I done with this franchise? You bet Jurassic.
There once was a raptor named Blue
Who learned how to make one into two
Humans fought to the bone
To recover her clone
Only to find she already had a few
Rated PG-13, 146 Minutes
Director: Colin Trevorrow
Writer: Emily Carmichael, Colin Trevorrow
Genre: You name it, we got it
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The mothers of the film’s technical crew
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who can focus
