Buzz Lightyear was a real guy? I mean, in the Pixar universe, Lightyear –the non-Toy Story of Buzz Lightyear- is a documentary, no? Huh. Brings up a few questions about promotional gambits. Did we all have Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong action figures growing up? Why I can remember how excited I was the day I got my very own Gus Grissom. And remember the Christa McAuliffe doll? It was the first action figure that could spontaneously explode. What fun!
Too soon?
Today’s film is the back story behind the Toy Story. Jehoshaphat Nahasapeemapetilon Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt “Buzz” Lightyear was a Space Ranger of such renown that his blockheaded militaristic tunnel vision inspired a whole line of action figures. Luckily, the “real” Buzz is a tad more “human” than the Toy Story Buzz; I’m not sure I could take an entire film of a hero who lives to cite regulations. Buzz (voice of Chris Evans) and his best bud, commanding officer Alisha Hawthorne (Uzo Aduba) are exploring the habitability of a new planet when the local vegetation gets out of control. In retreat mode, Buzz misjudges his abilities to save the ship and strands the entire crew, mostly in hyper-sleep at the time. Feeling the burden of guilt, Buzz takes it upon himself to test pilot solutions.
And here’s where the plot develops: every test flight comes with a time warp. Buzz slingshots around the nearest star, but the gravitational pull of the star slows time for the pilot. Every time Buzz returns from flight, years have elapsed on the planet. This dual timeline plot always makes me sad. Interstellar is a perfect example. From the explorer’s POV, minutes have elapsed, but those waiting his return age themselves out of companionship. Well that sucks, huh? The mismatch of timelines yields a trademark Pixar tear moment … but the film goes on for over an hour afterwards without anything –and I mean anything- even half as emotionally rewarding.
Basically, Buzz takes one-too-many test flights and returns to a planet and a crew he doesn’t know. And then he’s under attack from Zurg, as seen in Toy Story 2. Can Buzz figure out how to navigate “infinity and beyond” with a bunch of noobs?
On the asset side, Lightyear gets an A+ for diversity. A commander who is both homosexual and minority, relieved by a commander who also a minority? Inclusion! There’s also a GAY KISS *GASP!* Want to know why the imdb score for Lightning is so low? Diversity. Bigoted trolls know that imdb voting is one of the few places in the world that comes without consequences, so they’ve engorged on hate like sows at a trough.
At last look, over 40% of voters rated Lightyear on the lowest rung. I would bet $$$$ that most “1” voters have not even seen the film. Normally, one has to go visit a toddler convention – or a Trump rally- to see this level of maturity.
On the not-so-asset side, the film presents a number of characters that are likable but ho-hum. Even Buzz himself is hardly Han Solo. In a sci-fi epic about heroes and time travel and robots and villains and survival and science, my favorite thing was Sox, a robotic therapy cat. It’s not that I disliked Buzz or any of his friends; I just found them fairly generic and forgettable. Given the source material and the studio, I find that darn near criminal. Lightyear gets a pass; the message of teamwork requires an effort to discern, but it’s there. Lightyear will almost certainly appeal to your children as well, whether they understand it or not. That’s good enough in my book. If I’m being honest, however, I just gave the same rating to Chickenhare and the Hamster of Darkness.
“You must be so excited about the fifth Toy Story.
Destined to be a winner in any history”
“Are you so sure?” I yawned
“To infinity and beyond?”
“I had barely left the theater when the movie left me”
Rated PG, 100 Minutes
Director: Angus MacLane
Writer: Jason Headley
Genre: Movies that piss off bigots
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Li’l Space Rangers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The world of people who can judge a film entirely by one gay character
