This is what happens when you have over two hours worth of ideas, but no cohesive story. Big Gold Brick seems to be more like a gathering of ideas and characters and actors than any set narrative. If you had told me nobody storyboarded this film prior to shooting, I’d say, “yes, that makes perfect sense” for the individual scenes aren’t terrible, but I don’t know what they’re supposed to amount to. It’s like taking random puzzle pieces from five different boxes and expecting them to form a picture.
Samuel Liston (Emory Cohen) is a loser. Behind on the rent, ambition, and life itself, Samuel has decided to walk the Earth, like Caine in “Kung Fu.” Well, either that or he’s packed up for a suicide mission, which really doesn’t make much sense, but that’s par for the course in Big Gold Brick.
Before long, Floyd Devereaux (Andy Garcia) hits Samuel with his car. Sam survives. He actually turns out ok, considering. Floyd is a case study of his own. He appears to be quite wealthy, as evidence by his large house, live-in servant, trophy wife (Megan Fox), and leisurely adult-ish children (Lucy Hale and Leonidas Castrounis). And yet, Floyd is employed as a part-time security guard. Just try making sense of that; I dare you.
Upon Samuel’s recovery, Floyd invites him to live in their house, paying him $500/week to write Floyd’s biography. That, too, is the way I’m going to choose my own biographer. So, wait, is this now Floyd’s story? Have we introduced a “hero,” just so he can learn the story of the real subject of this film? Why introduce the 
thought of a biography at all if we’re not going to delve into Floyd’s life?
An what’s with the other folks in the house – the a-moral goth child, the fame-eschewing beauty queen daughter … and Megan Fox coming on to the stray? WTF? Oh, and in-between coma and Megan’s come-ons, has Samuel developed explosive telekinesis? Holy Hell, what is this film?
Big Gold Brick is like a survey in film form. Don’t like “A?” Try “B.” Do you like the film now? There were several characters I could get behind, but they seemed like they each belonged in different movies; there was no coherent core to this one. Most of all, I still have no idea what this film is trying to be … cautionary tale? Superhero origin story? Mobster narrative? Mostly Big Gold Brick feels like somebody went into a library, collected five random books, tore pages out of each, and wrote a screenplay from what was left. Trust me, I can match every loose end with a different metaphor. The film wasn’t terrible; I think it would need an actual POV to be terrible.
What do you want to see in our show?
Cheeseburgers, pedophilia, vertigo?
When we hit a theme
That sticks to the beam
Hey audience, do let us know
Not Rated, 132 Minutes
Director: Brian Petsos
Writer: Brian Petsos
Genre: Testing viewership
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Emory Cohen’s agent
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of cohesive storytelling
