A pretty, pretty princess she is, but I’d hardly define her as such. She’s pretty, pretty deadly is what she is. Is The Princess named in this film? No. Doesn’t matter. Princess Joey King starts the film locked up in the top of a tall castle tower and spends the rest of the film descending her way to freedom, fighting all the way.
Fighting is the operative word. But The Princess is gonna need some changes, nay alterations first, for she wakes up under guard, in manacles, while wearing her wedding dress. Hard to fight in a wedding dress. I’m told.
At some point you might thank precious progress that fight choreography has advanced significantly since the days of Chuck Norris. At another point, you might think: “Wouldn’t it be great if all damsels were trained thusly?” Imagine that – no more “damsel in distress” clichés. Oh they can be distressed all right … but your help just get in the way, Bromandude.
What we have here is a non-stop action thriller on the order of, say, Snowpiercer, except without any of that pesky thinkin’ stuff. 
No, this is one big exercise in watching The Princess get from Point A, The top of the tower, to Point B, the courtyard, in the bloodiest and most convoluted way possible. If you don’t buy the conflict or the fight choreography, the picture doesn’t work at all.
Look, I’m not gonna mince words here: The Princess will thrill exactly two types of crowds—sword ‘n’ sandal (“sword ‘n’ shift?”) and feminists. Everybody else is going to be turned off. On top of that, everything that isn’t a scene of somebody punching, stabbing, clawing, kicking, torching, gutting, or dangling is probably a waste of film. Dialog has rarely been less important in the presentation than in The Princess. And … subsequently, it’s a real turn-off. Look, Your Highness, if you’d just get back to the kung fu impaling, we’re all going to be much happier.
That said, there is plenty of kung fu impaling in The Princess. Enough, in fact, for me to recommend the picture. Barely.
Most royalty prompts my “sayonara”
Deserving not even a worship from afar-a
A princess, to my liking:
Half medieval Viking
And sport a battle axe that matched her tiara
Rated R, 94 Minutes
Director: Le-Van Kiet
Writer: Ben Lustig, Jake Thornton
Genre: Rescue this, pal
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Princesses with a taste for blood
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Misogynists
