It was only a matter of time before How to Train Your Dragon spawned copycats. It’s too good a film not to engender look-alikes. And yet, it took a while. Why? The setup is fairly unique; you need a plot regarding a population of hunters wielding tools for sport –not food- in a pre-modern setting –the more medieval, the better- aiming for mythological creatures. That doesn’t actually lend itself to a lot of places – well, not ones we talk about much, that is. I’m certain you could have the rough Dragon Training exist in ancient Greece, tribal Africa, or around the height of Aztec civilization, but you’ll come back to: “Why are they hunting what they’re hunting?” If the reason is “food,” you’ve got a different movie entirely.
The creature in question here is The Sea Beast, a Bluster, which is to say a red building-sized one-horned super-whale of a sort. And the hunters have … harpoons. Ever tried to take down an angry building with a harpoon? I’m not sure it can be done.
The hunter in question here is burly seaman Jacob Holland (voice of Karl Urban), purveyor of some of the finest sideburn acting ever to grace animation. Clocks can be set the Jacob’s hunting prowess. In fact, the only thing in the ocean more fearless, foolhardy, or statue-esque appears to his stony one-eyed commander, Captain Crow (Jared Harris). Cap’n Crow, a thick slab of a man, has quite the Moby-Dick thing going on; he ain’t resting until he’s avenged himself upon the Bluster. Only when he has done so will he cede the wheel of the Inevitable to Jacob Holland. FWIW, “The Inevitable” is a great name for a ship, but it was bound to happen sooner or later anyway.
Ah, but this movie isn’t really about the mighty Jacob or the mightier Crow; it’s about a little girl, Maisie (Zaris-Angel Hator … damn, girl, why you be hatin’ on angels?), an orphan with hunting in her
veins. Well, that is until she actually meets the Bluster and names her “Red.” Cuz, after all, ya gotta name a Bluster, amIright? Once we give Red a name and a personality, the story improves considerably. Until then, this is just cartoon he-manly manmen seeking large squishy things for an evening of seafood and bloodletting. It’s funny how -this being a 21st century film- the crew has a fair amount of diversity in terms of gender and color, and yet everybody on the boat is still a he-manly manman, y’know?
The Sea Beast is too long. There is simply not enough adventure here to justify two full hours. And it’s preachy; we get the distinct impression this film was made by vegans. But Maisie is spunky, delightful, and a pretty decent symbol of empowerment. The Sea Beast ends much better than it starts and I liked it just enough to give it a mild recommendation – but I’d pay strict attention to your audience. If you’ve got a Joan of Arc on your hands, yeah, let her be. But if you’ve got a future Captain Ahab in your household, maybe give this one a miss.
The Sea Beast had begun attackin’
And our “hero,” he found himself slackin’
“Get my spear off that shelf.
It’s not slayin’ itself
And in that case, I’d better get kraken”
Rated PG, 115 Minutes
Director: Chris Williams
Writer: Chris Williams, Nell Benjamin
Genre: Shaming predators
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Misunderstood sea beasts
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Whalers
