We have come a long way. Whether or not we acknowledge it, times are very different from when I was a kid. Do we still have miles upon miles to go? Yes. Is there still the threat that all social progress made could be undone instantly? Vote Republican and find out. Nobody is safe from scared old people and the media that controls them, especially lesbians. But for now – we have gotten to a point where teen LGBTQ comedies exist … and exist to the point that they don’t even have to be special. Which, in its own way, is special.
Enter Crush, a movie in which a lesbian teen heroine is looking for love, inspiration, and college acceptance, not necessarily in that order. Paige Evans (Rowan Blanchard) has a problem. Well, she has several, so I’ll describe the specific one in the moment: as Paige is an aspiring artist, school authorities have accused her of being “KingPun,” the tamest graffiti artist known to humankind. Still, people who run schools aren’t big fans of unauthorized graffiti, no matter how tame or artistic; you can’t encourage this stuff. It would be like a lame duck President leading a violent coup to stay in power and then not prosecuting him. But I digress.
Faced with expulsion, Paige offers to join the track team and root out who the real “KingPun” is. Could it be a member of the team? No! Well … maybe. Track is always a weird high school cinematic endeavor; I don’t think it comes off any better on film than in real life. Hmmm … lemme re-examine that. Track in real life is godawful boring. Hell, even Olympic track and field is godawful boring. On film, the wait and wait and wait is edited out to leave just the competition part … and, well, it’s still kinda boring. Am
I wrong? However, this endeavor does lead to film’s best relationship, the one not involving the lead, but between track coach (Aasif Mandvi) and Paige’s mom (Megan Mullally).
Oh, and I’d be remiss in not mentioning an adorable love rivalry between Paige friends Dillon and Stacey (Tyler Alvarez and Teala Dunn), both running for school president.
OK, so where is the action here? This seems to be yet another high school where it seems everyone has had adult relationships and pronoun therapy except for our heroine. Paige has a Crush on Gabriella (Isabella Ferreira), the captain of the track team yet feels very little for fellow co-captain and coincidentally Gabriella’s twin, AJ (Auli’I Cravalho). Huh. Gee, I wonder if that will change as Paige actually gets to know the girls through track.
There isn’t a lot of substance to Crush; nor are there moments you will take with you past next period Algebra II. And yet, perhaps there is satisfaction in that statement alone. I’ve come so far that I can find a teen LGBTQ comedy “ho-hum.” So while I cannot say this is a recommendation of any kind, I do say the film was watchable and while I gave it two stars, I fully feel that if this is the kind of meh drivel that promotes understanding, appreciation, and acceptance of LGBTQ norms, I’m all for it.
Paige’s world was more frenzied than bucolic
As an artist, she became a frustration-aholic
Was her lesbian dream
To be on the track team?
There are hurdles there both physical and symbolic
Rated TV-MA, 93 Minutes
Director: Sammi Cohen
Writer: Kirsten King, Casey Rackham
Genre: LGBTQ, Jr.
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: LGBTQ
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: School authoritarians, I imagine
