Remember when Rupert Everett was ambulatory? He was a lot more fun when he, y’know, did stuff. *Sigh* Speaking of things that aren’t fun, My Policeman showed up at theaters last week to remind us all that some LGBTQ film is still stuck in “social justice” mode, and hence unable to remove the stick, or more likely, a random sex toy, from its collective ass.
Shame, cuz they’re been some fantastic LGBTQ offerings in 2022. This one … not-so-much. My Policeman is still in the LGBTQ closet, where the material is open, but the films are preachy and dull. On top of that, this particular offering deals with a trio of friends -in two timelines- Tom, Marion, & Patrick (Harry Styles, Emma Corrin, & David Dawson younger Linus Roache, Gina McKee, & Rupert Everett older) … and the actions in the latter timeline don’t match those from the earlier timeline.
In the latter, elderly Patrick has had a stroke, leaving him partially paralyzed. Elderly Marion opts for she and her husband Tom to care for Patrick in his current state (seeing as they’re old friends and all). In retrospect, I have no idea what possessed this request by Marion; all it seems to do is create pain for all three. One might guess that she does it to reflect upon “the good old days” when they young and gay – well, two of them at least—and Patrick was sent to prison for such while His Policeman, Tom, turns from a life of gleeful homosexuality to one of bitter remorse as he denies Patrick and uses Marion as a beard.
Sure, let’s revisit that life again and again, shall we?
Patrick and Tom have a meetcute when Patrick needs a bobby for a potential mugging. Within two scenes, Patrick is sketching Tom like Kate Winslet in Titanic. Well, not quite … but seriously not far off. Turns out, both men are gay, woo! And they both dig each other, woo! But … there’s a law forbidding it. Boo! And this is essentially the rest of the film. Boooooooo! And for some reason, Marion, arguably the greatest victim here, invites Tom back into their lives years later so everyone can be sour anew. What a film.
My Policeman is about 15 minutes of fun and 100 minutes of pain. I get that the lesson is important. Criminalizing 
homosexuality and giving police free reign to treat “criminals” however they choose is –in a word- horrifying. And this is exactly the kind of stuff we should keep in mind when conservative politicians seek to criminalize private LGBTQ behavior once again.
I’m not sure how many times I have to say this, but one more time needs to happen: the primary purpose of any film is entertainment. Let me repeat – the primary purpose of any film is entertainment. The reason is simple, and perk up your ears, all who need to – it doesn’t matter how important your film is if nobody sees it. I really cannot emphasize this point enough. And films like Everything Everywhere All at Once and Bros have made it clear you CAN have both—you can make a meaningful entertaining LGBTQ film without depressing the Hell out of your audience.
When you make a film like this, you’re looking for an audience beyond LGBTQ because this topic is one that should be understood by all. But the material doesn’t suggest a bigger audience. Nor the plot. Nor the setting. “Well gee” some producer says, “how about cast, then?” Quite a coup, Harry Styles. Let me, however, offer aone question rebuttal: do you know anyone who LOVES Harry Styles but has a problem with LGBTQ? Yeah, I don’t either.
Marion had decided to marry
A closeted sexual adversary
Could he go more than One Direction
With libidinous connection?
Or is this just about Tom, dick, and Harry?
Rated R, 113 Minutes
Director: Michael Grandage
Writer: Ron Nyswaner
Genre: LGBTQZZZZZZZZZ
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: SJW
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People “betrayed” by Harry Styles
