Well, I sure can understand now why nobody made Dances with Wolves: The Way of Water. Thirteen years after James Cameron shoved the new 3D revolution down our collective gullets with Avatar, he gave a sequel so long one can’t help wondering if he spent the entire interim filming it. The result? Very similar to the first. Except I sure care a whole hellofalot less this time around.
For reasons only known to themselves, the writers of Avatar: The Way of Water identified what I consider the weakest part of the original (the military guys) and decided to enhance their role. They even resurrected the deceased villain from Avatar, Colonel Quaritch (Stephen Lang), putting him in the body of Na’vi. Because, quite frankly, that’s exactly what I was thinking: well gosh, I didn’t like the Colonel from Avatar and I was glad he died, but if they just somehow made him a grotesque fatigues-wearing version of one of the blue guys, well, then I’d sure love ‘im!
Meanwhile, Sully (Sam Worthington). Yes, “Sully.” Yes, “Sam Worthington” is now fully Na’vi, sparing us from some of his weak acting skills through CGI. And now there are a pack of Sullys – wife Neytiri (Zoe Saldaña), plus two boys, a girl, an adopted girl, and that I think feral kid from Road Warrior. Despite the three-hour plus runtime, it takes all of three seconds to set up the conflict –the army guys are back and they aren’t voting blue, knowwhatI’msayin’? In the several years since we last saw the “sky people” invade the blue man group, the army guys got some new toys which aren’t any more effective, but they are new.
Seriously, in thirteen years you couldn’t fit an aircraft with an anti-arrow barrier? You guys kinda suck at “army,” doncha? Now despite all that, the army essentially gains its objective (driving the Na’vi out to the stix) in about fifteen minutes, so the rest of the film is about the Colonel’s need for revenge on Sully. Meanwhile, Sully quickly became the first Southie Na’vi and with his odd accent and constant talk about “family sticking together,” you’d think this was a mob film.
It isn’t a mob film, of course; it’s a pissing contest film. It’s the Sully boys outdoing one another and it’s the Sully girls insisting they can keep up and it’s the Sullys showing up in sealand and competing with the natives there and then it’s the blue army guys all competing with the blue native guys.
Hmmm, does any of this need explanation? I suppose I need to go there. The Na’vi are a giant blue humanoids who live on an alien moon and commune with plants and animals and shit. They are a metaphor for Native Americans and Avatar was a metaphor the white people’s treatment of such. An honest sequel would have shown the white people completely eradicating the native inhabitants, but that rarely makes for blockbusters outside of diehard Trumpists. In the first film, Sully, an army guy, inhabits the body of a native Na’vi and learns to play nice with the locals (think Kevin Costner in Dances with Wolves). By the second film, Sully is no longer human and with his conscience inside a Na’vi, he’s become full Na’vi. And when the army guys return, his family retreat to the water Na’vi, where they get to learn all new stuff and have all new pissing contests.
BTW, the Water Na’vi are more aqua than blue and have evolved fish-like tails; it’s pretty clear these folks don’t want anything to do with the forest Na’vi. In fact, I might be a little alarmed, scientifically speaking, that two intelligent species living so close together have clearly chosen different evolutionary paths, but hey, I dunno, maybe one group constantly lived on one of them big floating rocks. I dunno. This is all one big excuse to introduce Na’vi Waterworld. Gee, kids, if you liked Na’vi forest edition, you’ll LOVE Na’vi Marine Land! Check out the swordfish rodeo and splashdown mountain!
Visually, this is a stunning film. There’s a lot to see; most of it is very pretty. It’s like spending three hours at an aquarium. I’m not going to find fault with the CGI or the cinematography.
Here’s my problem with Avatar: The way of Water, and –if I’m being honest- my problem with most of James Cameron’s works in general: the first half of this film is an endless series of pissing contests which then develops into a personal war, the ultimate pissing contest. So, at any given time in this film, it is not only relevant to ask “who’s winning?” but there’s almost always a genuine non-zero answer to that question. And it’s one of the big reasons James Cameron films are always going to come across as misogynistic even when they have strong roles for women.
Avatar: The Way of Water is a visual feast; I would be remiss in not pointing it out. It is a smorgasbord of pleasant light
and color and sound. Even blue Sam Worthington, the poor man’s Chris Hemsworth, seems palatable enough to please your “My Little Pony” daughter. Is that enough to make 192 minutes of this worth seeing? You tell me.
In my opinion his film is too long by at leastban hour. And it’s too little removed the original to justify the length. I really cannot emphasize enough how I loathed the army guys in the first film, so giving them a bigger role in the second really makes no sense to me. Also, all of Na’vi-dom now comes down to the Sully family; they’re the Croods of Avatar. The film pretends other characters matter, but they don’t. It’s all about the Sullys, a phrase which has rarely in the history of either Europe or the United States described something wonderful. And it doesn’t here, either. I did love one extended scene in the film regarding a “shark” attack and a friendly “whale” (all the creatures here are some form of Earth hybrid), but that’s all I loved about the film.
If you are inclined to adore Avatar: The Way of Water before you see it, well, there will be enough here for you, and then some. But I wasn’t inclined and found the material beautiful yet superfluous and occasionally annoying. I see no reason why Avatar isn’t enough already.
The new Na’vi went escapin’ with his troupe
And found himself knee deep in aqua soup
But those Sullys, ball bustin’
Were way into adjustin’
For they’re just your average Blue Man Group
Rated PG-13, 192 Minutes
Director: James Cameron
Writer: James Cameron, Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver
Genre: The almighty box office
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who NEED this film to be great
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The rest of us
