It was just a matter of time before we learned about li’l Steven Spielberg, no? His oeuvre has flitted up and down the span of his lifetime not unlike a season of “Quantum Leap.” So it was probably just a matter of time before he re-examined his own childhood not unlike Alfonso Cuarón did with Roma, right?
The Spielbergs, er, “The Fabelmans,” yes, definitely Fabelmans are just your average blue collar Jewish Jersey fam. Dad (Paul Dano) is a dork with a future in nerdery. Mom is Michelle Williams, but with a terrible haircut (which I guess explains Paul Dano). There are several children in the family, but Steven, er “Sammy” (Mateo Zoryon Francis-DeFord as young Sammy, Gabriel LaBell as less young Sammy) is the only kid that matters. Oh, and non-relative Seth Rogen is around a bunch cuz why wouldn’t you want Seth Rogen around, huh?
Judd Hirsch shows up later and attempts to win an Oscar with only three minutes of screen time.
This film is about how Sammy becomes an artist and storyteller through the medium of film. His parents have to strongarm the kid to get him into The Greatest Show on Earth where he becomes so mesmerized by the trainwreck in the film (not the trainwreck that is The Greatest Show on Earth) that he recreates it with toy trains. Mom gets li’l Sammy a Zapruder cam so he only has to destroy the rec room once. And suddenly, a passion begins.
Sammy loves to tell stories with film, but becomes obsessed with authenticity above all else. A wagon in the old west has to churn up dust; a bullet has to explode out of a gun; a soldier has to feel for lost comrades. It doesn’t matter to Sammy if his actors are all kids; the scene has to feel real.
Then mom needs some attention; this goes on for about an hour culminating at a campground in Arizona with the sexiest PG-13 dance of 2022. Was it necessary? Depends. For the sake of plot and realism? Kinda. For the sake of remembering the film where Michelle Williams struts in front of headlights wearing a see-through nightgown? OH, HELL YES.
And then we get back to Sammy. See, this film is about how Sammy not only learns how to tell a story with film; it’s also about how Sammy learns to slant a story with film. I am sure this does not come naturally to filmmakers, but Sammy catches on pretty quick after the bigger film takes a trip down Anti-Semite Lane. If you can’t beat ‘em with your fists, beat with propaganda, huh Sammy?
I found The Fabelmans a little long, a little meandering, and a little telegraphed. I suppose I’m being harsh because it’s Steven Spielberg, but in retrospect, Spielberg or no, I was definitely not watching a Best Picture. I’m sure it will get plenty of nominations and I’m unlikely to give it the venom I might over recognition I think the picture neither needs nor has earned, mostly because Spielberg has brought such cumulative happiness to my life, he’s allowed –like few other people anywhere- to take more credit than his work would otherwise inspire.
The Fabelmans comes off as amiable, but decidedly fluffy, especially by Spielberg standards. In an array of fancy truffles behind the counter at a high end sweet shop, this film is a s’more. Has Steven Spielberg made ten better films than The Fabelmans? Yes. No question. Has he made twenty better films than The Fabelmans? Arguable. You really want to go out on a limb for a guy’s 18th best film? I don’t. So, is Spielberg 
his own worst enemy here, by raising his standard so high, we don’t appreciate when he undercuts it? Maybe. But I could also make the argument that without Spielberg’s name, this film might not even get a “thumbs up.” After all, there are several Fabelmans and we only care about two of them, and the major plot point in the film is telegraphed well in advance.
Oh, and by the way, The Greatest Show on Earth is, hands down, the worst best picture in Oscar history. Any Best Picture you disagreed with … and anyone who cares has had at least one, The Greatest Show on Earth is worse. I guarantee it. How that film inspired that talent is beyond any understanding I will ever have. Hmmm, how shall I put this? It’s like Michael Jordan gaining diving basketball inspiration from “Dinner Bell Mel” Turpin. Go figure.
Li’l Steven preferred film to a book
To show that he wasn’t a schnook
His art, it did grow
Until, whaddayaknow?
He’s the man who directed Hook
Rated PG-13, 151 Minutes
Director: Steven Spielberg
Writer: Steven Spielberg, Tony Kushner
Genre: Oscar bait
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The Spielberg desperate
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: You realize this is just a series of professional amateur films, right?
