It’s a portal to stupidity. It took me a while to figure it out, but I got there eventually. Who knows what writer/director Satoshi Miki actually intended. But in this universe, the secret magic door in the back of the convenience store doesn’t exactly lead to Narnia. I mean, it’s kind of like Narnia, except only stupid things happen … which makes sense on one level – I’d expect that if I went ot my local 7-11 and found a magic portal there, it would lead to a place even worse than a 7-11.
Describing such in movie form, however, seems silly and counterproductive. If you’re gonna take a magic portal to the Earth-like unknown and the result is stupidity, there better be a Cheshire Cat or an endless tea party in the deal, knowwhatI’msayin’?
Kato (Ryô Narita) is a failed screenwriter – oh, hey, props to Satoshi Miki for following “write what you know.” His girlfriend has a dog. The dog needs food. Kato goes to the local convenience store to buy some.
So far, not terrible, right?
At the store, there is a mysterious married woman, Keiko (Atsuko Maeda). Look, pal, I dunno how it works in Japan, but in the United States, women get married so they never, ever, ever again have to visit places like 7-11 again. Ever. But I digress. Point is, Kato is entranced and follows the woman through a door which
leads to Narnia or Wonderland or the Upside Down or wherever, except all of those places have a whole heckuva lot more going for them – even the Upside Down.
The key for me here is that once Kato penetrates the portal, magic happens. That magic being *poof* I suddenly didn’t care about anything that happened in the film. It was all handled so clumsily and with situations and characters barely worthy of attention that it just didn’t matter what went on in 7-11 Narnia.
Convenience Story might have had a decent premise, but it did not play out in any way that renders an emotional response. The best part of this film is that it’s happily forgettable. In a year, I might not remember ever having watched it in the first place.
Writer Kato doesn’t put up a fuss
When he becomes an AU alumnus
This Narnia, it seems
Is not one of dreams
You’re boring the crap out of Mr. Tumnus
Not Rated, 97 Minutes
Director: Satoshi Miki
Writer: Satoshi Miki
Genre: Weird ‘n’ Bad
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Drug addicts
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Screenwriters
