While Kandahar seems like a war film, and perhaps ought to be a war film given how much we associate the location of Kandahar with war, it isn’t. Kandahar is, instead, a cut-rate Argo and constant reminder as to how lethal some parts of the world are for Americans. The film doesn’t ask you how we got there, exactly, but it does explain why the CIA ain’t gettin’ invited to any sultan’s soirée any time soon.
The film opens in Qom, Iran with CIA agent Tom Harris (Gerard Butler) planting a bomb signal in the middle of a host of armed guards. Ballsy, huh? Tom is disguised as a satellite technician helping out the region to get a cable upgrade. The guards are peeved about the babysitting-in-the-desert routine, of course … but I suspect not as much from the fact that Tom might be an undercover spy so much as his company demanded an 8 am to 12 pm window for tech repair and then he didn’t show up until 2.
The clear signal yields a targeted strike and the next thing you know, Tom and his pal are on the most wanted list throughout a dozen Middle-Eastern countries. Heading east into Afghanistan, Agent Harris has a flight out to safety if and only if he can make it to the friendly military base in Kandahar. None of that, however, is going to be easy. It takes 24 hours to drive from Qom to Kandahar under ideal conditions. Tom and his translator, Mo (Navid Negahban), are on the lam with every gang from The Warriors on their tail.
Most of Kandahar feels like the subplot in a sprawling Middle East saga; it’s as if there’s a better story out there taking place in, say, Lebanon or Israel, but let’s check back in on the CIA guys trying to 
escape in Afghanistan. Such is reinforced by the hardly fleshed out lead whose entire focus is on escape and little more.
The best moment in the film comes early in Act III when Tom’s companion gets into it with a temporarily helpful warlord. There is a moment of honor – I took your son, you deserve revenge – and yet the nobility of the scene is undermined by the overarching cynical theme: the entire area is barren desert expect for the lawless warring factions. The latter consumes all life; if you live in this corner of the world, you will own a rifle and a philosophy … and if you live long enough to greet a grandchild, you should consider yourself lucky.
Kandahar is a legitimate thrill ride if you care at all for the hero, which I did not. A truck being chased by a hostile helicopter in an open desert is quite a dilemma – one that almost harkens back to the bi-plane scene in North by Northwest – let’s not be silly, Kandahar is nothing like NxNW, but clearly this moment has been derived from the Hitchcock masterpiece. I accept the film as thrilling, but still found it cynical and off-putting. Whatever happens in the Middle East requires fewer guns and more exposition. That was true 100 years ago and it is still true today, so unless you’re making Raiders of the Lost Ark, you better have good reason for putting thrill above story in a film like this. Because at the end of this particular desert, my impression is this miserable collection of sand and rock is ruled by whomever can blow up shit better than the other guy; why you would want to live there or blow it up is beyond me. The Covenant is a far better film with a similar theme.
In the land of the perpetual tan
Agent Harris had one choice and ran
After you blew up Qom
They’re on to you, Tom
It’s time to make new plan, (Afghani) Stan
Rated R, 119 Minutes
Director: Ric Roman Waugh
Writer: Mitchell LaFortune
Genre: The Middle East bites
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: How desperate are you for a CIA victory in the region?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Afghanis searching for peace
