Here’s a sweet little nothing of a film specifically engineered for people who find Noah Baumbach too worldly. NYC couple Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and Don (Tobias Menzies) are undergoing the pains of middle-aged mediocrity: she a “meh” novelist; he’s a “meh” therapist. Together, they have a really nice life, blissfully unaware that being supportive is sometimes not as important as being honest.
Of course, any veteran of marriage will tell you being supportive is often far, far more important than being honest.
Hoo boy. You know I watch all the Marvel and DC films, and there’s a HUGE problem with them these days stemming entirely from being overly consequential. It’s no longer enough for an entire country, or even a world, to implode. Comic book studios think we won’t care unless eradication of all life as we know it is on the table. Nothing less will drive our attention, apparently. The neverending search for maximizing consequences is a turn-off. Not only have we seen it too often, but it loses its flavor after a while; it’s like any given day of President Trump where whatever outrageous/illegal/tone-deaf/bigoted/biased or just plain asinine action would have been a national conversation if he let it breathe for five minutes without doing something even worse.
The converse, unfortunately, is just as true. A film that completely lacks for consequential action is –in my mind- just as off-putting. Take You Hurt My Feelings, a film where small people with small lives and small controversies all existing in an ironically small universe (If you told me this entire film was shot in one square mile of Manhattan, I’d believe you). The key moment of the film happens when Beth overhears Don talking to his brother-in-law about Beth’s new book. He doesn’t know she’s there and admits he’s not a fan of her new project. She takes it … poorly. Admittedly, that’s a tough place to be if you’re the author/spouse. It would be even tougher if it took more than one (1) conversation to resolve it. That’s what the film did. Your personal results may vary.
We like Beth. We like Don. We like their grown son, Elliott (Owen Teague) and his little problems. We like Beth’s sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), who spends her days trying to please curmudgeons with interior decoration options. We like her husband, Mark (Arian Moayed), a mediocre actor wondering
about a new career. We like this whole milieu of mediocrity; it reminds us of our own lives and our own petty issues. The most enjoyable part of this film to me is the couple of David Cross and Amber Tamblyn, the mediocre pair who come to therapy sessions just to fight with one another. You Hurt My Feelings is a classic “slice of life” film, where meaningful things don’t happen so much as relationships are explored with a bare minimum of controversy. We smile. They are us. We are them. Sometimes our lives are funny; mostly our lives are … how do I put this? I used to have customized checks bearing a blank face icon reading “have a day.” That.
My biggest problem with You Hurt My Feelings is not that the material is too inconsequential. No, my biggest problem is that this film is designed for you to get into an argument with your partner. I guarantee more than one future divorce will be able to point to this film as the catalyst. We treat the people in our lives the way we treat them; if we choose to emphasize support over truth, I guarantee there’s a damn good reason for it. Setting these two ideas at odds with each other is not only –in my mind, at least- wrong; it is several degrees of wrong. It invites controversy where none exists, and creates far more problems than are necessary. That’s why I found the couple’s resolution to be sudden, shallow, empty, and unrealistic. If you’re going to have a controversy in your film, you may as well make it worth our while.
Several folks whose lives, in a way
Exist completely outside of the fray
Oh, they still have their issues
But I’m not bringing tissues
For I enjoy not complaining all day
Rated R, 93 Minutes
Director: Nicole Holofcener
Writer: Nicole Holofcener
Genre: First world problems
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Couples that want to get in an argument after the film ends.
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “F*** your feelings”
