Well … I cannot fault this film for lack of action. As I watched, I reflected upon a key moment in my childhood when I understood that most monster movies were, dare I say? Kinda boring. You wait an hour for Godzilla to hit the screen; then he makes a mess and you’re done. Why did we spend so much time on Japanese “Timmy,” anyway? I’m here for big monster.
Meg 2: The Trench has plenty of monsters doing the thing we imagine monsters do: attack humans. The film makes it clear from the outset that food chain dynamics will be honored as we get a peek at island life, 65 million years ago: a hungry flying insect is eaten by lizard, who is immediately eaten by a bigger lizard. We go through the food chain like a bad science class up to the coup de grâce finale from the lesson: a t-rex being eaten by a megashark.
Apparently, that’s how big megasharks are – they eat t-rexes. Actually, in the film, the megasharks seemed to be “exactly how big as we need them to be and no bigger.” Sometimes that means a megashark is as big as a shrimpboat, and sometimes that means Jason Statham can
stave off being eaten if he just kicks out with appropriate force. What’s important to remember is … lots of monsters. And some bad guys too, cuz … why not?
So there’s this giant dinosaur fish, The Meg, who ate a whole lot of people in the first film. Naturally, the people who killed the big fish are now keeping another one as a pet. And then more dinosaur fish show up in various sizes. And there’s double-crossing. And revenge. I’m not sure it gets sillier than this. Dudes are exploring the Marianas Trench where the megasharks come from, and when they find some, there are also a whole bunch of lesser predatory amphibians, plus smugglers out for blood and double-crossing … hence, our heroes cannot trust their own teammates. I’m sorry, why did you guys go back into the water?
By the time the remainder of the gang gets to, I kid you not, “Fun Island,” the film is a full-blown comedy, whether it intended to go there or not. It was a better choice to move the action to land, because then at least we 
can see what’s going on … but as one might note, megasharks haven’t yet evolved land capabilities, so the film keeps having to invent reasons for our protagonist gang to get back in the water. None of them are good reasons; they’re just reasons.
Oh, and for the sake of monster movie chemistry, every animal is hangry. Constantly hangry. This is a world in which a human-sized predatory lizard can eat a guy and immediately press on to eat four more guys as if trying to intake its entire caloric regimen for a year in one go. Unlike us, of course, overeating never causes bloating, lethargy, or satisfaction among the predators in the film. The animals always gotta eat and move and eat and move and eat and move. In fairness, I suppose a shark never stops swimming, but they do stop attacking at some point, right?
Meg 2: The Trench is, for action alone, better than your average Godzilla film, but not much. It’s just too difficult to take this film seriously. It’s like if Sharknado started pretending it was a good film. I daresay that’s a recommendation of sorts, but not the kind of recommendation I prefer giving or receiving.
There once was a shark named The Meg
Who birthed from a boulder-sized egg
In size, she’s no equal
But was this worth a sequel?
On that part, I’m a little vague
Rated PG-13, 116 Minutes
Director: Ben Wheatley
Writer: Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, Dean Georgaris
Genre: Monsters! Monsters! Monsters! … and some random bad guys
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: How much do you enjoy stupid monster movies?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Scientists
