So … everybody gets a superhero movie now? In DC’s never-ending quest to find a superhero we actually like, they settled upon Xolo Maridueña as Blue Beetle, whom I find equally as enthralling as Ezra Miler (The Flash), which is to say … meh. After watching an entire film of the flailing Xolo (who, sadly, reminds me neither of Solo, nor YOLO), the thing I like most about him is his name, which not only starts with an “X,” but contains a tilde for measure. However, I think we can all agree that ain’t necessarily a great criteria for selecting a lead actor, right Archibald Leach?
Blue Beetle is about a cut-rate Iron Man who happens upon superpowers quite by chance and, two hours later, still hasn’t convinced me he’s earned them. I suppose most superheroes (with a few notable exceptions) stumble upon their powers, but this one really does feel more random than most. Promised a possible job opportunity, Jaime Reyes (Maridueña) goes to the Kord building to meet with the owner’s niece, Jenny (Bruna Marquezine). It’s pretty obvious that Jenny had no intention of giving Jaime a job interview, but finds him a perfect fall guy when she tries to steal the Scarab, a piece of valuable alien tech that the Kords can’t cut the cord on.
Unwittingly taking the Scarab home, Jaime discovers his overly-involved family can’t leave it or him alone, and then suddenly the thing jumps up, fuses itself to Jaime thrusting Iron Man-like powers upon him. Then it starts doing super-human things with its new human host. The Scarab is sentient, see, and turns Jaime into the Blue Beetle, a very Iron Man-like creation.
There are reluctant heroes and there are RELUCTANT HEROES. One of the pain points of Blue Beetle is the fact that Jaime is so reluctant, we start questioning why the Scarab picked him. Also, it’s quite clear the suit (i.e. the Beetle) is doing all the work; Jaime has almost no skills of his own. And then there’s the part in genuine combat where Jaime doesn’t seem to realize, ever, that if you attack like a superhero, you have to react like a superhero and defend like a superhero. Despite the Beetle’s natural healing powers (it attaches itself to the cerebral cortex to enhance all of your human abilities), Jaime is lucky to have survived this film.
Very lucky.
Knowing that it hasn’t given itself a ton of credibility in the “diversity” realm, DC decided to play up the ethnicity 
of Jaime’s family. Their closeness is so stereotypical it’s almost unintentionally comical. Blue Beetle doesn’t go on adventures by himself; he brings the whole fam. Gee, I can’t wait until the sequel when we combine a Quinceañera with a nuclear disaster. I haven’t ever been into the career of George Lopez, but he comes off best here as the mad scientist disguised as a crazy uncle. Nana is a straight-up psychopath. I understand that you know how to use heavy artillery, Nan, but there’s a difference between skill set and “DIE! DIE! DIE!”
Bottom line is these folks may get evicted and they may battle the world’s greatest villains, but whatever they do, they’re gonna do it as a family. This is all to the good, cuz Jaime makes a lousy superhero by himself. I respect his desire not to kill, yet none of his heroic actions ever seem to accomplish the set goal; he’s better off just letting the suit do what it wants to do by itself.
One of the largest problems I had with this film was that it wasn’t always clear what I should be rooting for. Do I really want grandma to go full executioner on the Kord minions? Do I really want the guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing to succeed? Are we really rooting for the guys driving the big bugmobile that squashes and skewers its opponents? I’m not ruling out the possibility of future success, but if there’s a sequel, if better contain a damn good reason to care about Jaime and tell us why he is best suited to be The Blue Beetle.
There once was a kid, unemployed
Whose prospects invoked a great void
But a bug found him utile
And now his skills, brutal
Which would be great if he were an android
Rated PG-13, 127 Minutes
Director: Angel Manuel Soto
Writer: Gareth Dunnet-Alcocer
Genre: “Super” “hero”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Beetles?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Megalomaniacs?
