I have one quibble here. Dude is a Prince. Of England. Like a guy who can go to Buckingham Palace and they say, “Right this way, sir.” That kind of prince. And he’s young. And he’s handsome. I don’t care if he’s as gay as the picnic basket float in the San Francisco Pride parade, nobody, but nobody, but nobody nobody nobody is going to convince me that this guy would be lonely at a party replete with American girls.
Uh uh.
Ain’t gonna happen.
My own wife of thirty years would ditch me at the door to go chat him up. And there would be a line … a line as long as the succession to the throne.
Now, quibbles aside, this film was, dare I say? Kind of adorable.
On my continent, there’s the son of President Uma Thurman (leaning heavily into a southern accent of some sort, yeesh). His name is Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor Zakhar Perez) and this handsome playboy is a presidential scandal waiting to happen. Across the pond is Prince Henry (Nicholas Galitzine), the “spare,” which essentially means he can live pretty much any life he wants to live and still return to wealth and luxury whenever he’s done. Oh, I suppose it’s not that easy … but it is.
The two don’t seem to like one another … at first. We are introduced to the pair getting in a petty argument and ruining the giant cake at a royal wedding. When the press pounces, we can see these two have made a dog’s breakfast of things. Naturally, they’re going to fall in love. But it’s going to take a goodwill tour to get there.
During the tour, a potential death threat requires the two to -quite literally- duck into a closet together in a masterwork of icebreaking and symbology combined. At this point, the Prez son and the Prince stow the hostility and realize almost simultaneously: “Hey, this guy is hot and totally superfluous, just like me!” And at this point, it’s only a matter of time before their national flags start flying at full mast for one another.
The controversy in the film is one of logistics much more than feelings. It is not easy to be LGBTQ in American politics; you will get death threats; there will be people – often wearing red hats- who will make it their entire life mission to hate on you; there will also be many, many, many more who insist they are not bigots, but happily vote for those who embrace and enable the monsters. I imagine the UK is very similar. Hence, this romance has to be QUIET despite a 24/7 press presence.
Yeah, that’s never gonna happen between a member of the Palace and a member of the House of White. But
damned if it isn’t fun to imagine. And damned if both men aren’t likeable. Key to romance of film is the desire to fall in love with those falling in love. A lot of people will be charmed by Taylor Zakhar Perez. A lot of people will be charmed by Nicholas Galitzine. And even people like me will say, “there is zero chance this will work … but I want to see them try.”
Red, White & Royal Blue is on the one hand frivolous and lightweight, but on the other hand, it is no different from any tale where someone falls in love with a prince. The catch here is not that the subjects are gay, but that both men are, essentially, princes with all the pomp and prestige that comes with the territory.
Of course, the most amusing part of this entire fantasy is one the film ignores entirely: when the book was written, the most notable presidential son was Don Jr. and the English heir to the throne was Prince Charles. I would pay money to see those assholes fall in love in front of the world. Lots and lots of money. Sigh. Knowing those two, they’d still find myriad ways not to be endearing. Oh well.
Here’s a gay romance, you’re gonna laugh
About a prince and his American half
We may not have kings
Among other things
But I guarantee we have plenty of staff
Rated R, 118 Minutes
Director: Matthew López
Writer: Casey McQuiston, Matthew López, Ted Malawer
Genre: The royal “we?”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Dreamers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Realists
