Do I object on mere principle to the idea of a psychopathic monster taking the form of a Catholic nun? I do not. I attended St. Theresa’s as a child and can say, unequivocally, that while benevolent nuns can make the Alps sing, there are several in the “other” category who scared me silly. This is for them.
FWIW, Catholic grade school is not the best place to have … energy … or, you know, opinions. Jus’ sayin’.
The demon disguised as The Nun crept back into theaters this weekend. And although I didn’t miss the franchise even a little, I found the shtick a little better this time around. It’s been four years since Romania, and the demon Valak has been a travelin’. Well, sure, everybody gets a little restless from time-to-time, and -I ask you- would you ha
ng around where you’re not wanted? I mean, especially if you happen to be an immortal ethereal being that takes the form of an evil Catholic nun? We’ve all been there, huh?
Turns out, ol’ Valak has a quest in mind. Good for you, evil one; everybody should have a hobby. And the search has taken it to Tarascon, France, where once a Catholic monastery is now a boarding school for little French girls, like in those Ludwig Bemelmans books. If you can just imagine Madeline, Miss Clavel, and a bunch of tiny French girls juxtaposed with a murderous cosplaying demon who enjoys immolation and evisceration, well, you can see what a good time this is.
Caretaker Maurice (Jonas Bloquet) has shown up again, which cannot possibly be a coincidence, but apparently is. He humbly does the school repair thing when bodies start happening. Meanwhile, Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga), another survivor from Nun I (Nun-too-shabby), is called into Vatican
HQ where the brass ask her to investigate some church related murders.
I’m a little lost here. I mean, I know I see a lot of movies, so this shouldn’t seem weird, but … but … but … is this a thing the Catholic Church actually does? “Yo, Pope, you hear about these murders?” “Sure have. Yeesh. And I’m just three days from retirement; better get somebody on that. Say, is that Sister Mary Clarence available? No? Then put that Sister Irene on it. She’s a sneaky little shit, just like you.”
Sorry, I started in Sister Act, and then started channeling Animal House.
Point is, France, 1956. Evil Nun-lookin’ demon has set up shop in a girls’ school. That ain’t good. And Valak is it? Yeah, Valak has learned to take a few other forms, too, which is good, cuz if you’re gonna go the cosplay lifestyle, you should have more than one look.
It would be easy to say The Nun II is none-too-good, and you wouldn’t be wrong on at least one or two levels. Despite a runtime on the longish side, however, I found this edition both scarier and more engaging than the first. I think it bogs down in areas: 1) coincidences that didn’t need to be coincidences and 2) an ending that felt very Deus ex Machina. I’m giving Nun II a pass, but I’m praying that Nun III gets left behind before she takes her vows.
There was once an evil demon
Who took the form of a nun
But its disguise couldn’t sway
The dead giveaway
It looked like it was having fun
Rated R, 110 Minutes
Director: Michael Chaves
Writer: Ian Goldberg, Richard Naing, Akela Cooper
Genre: Cosplay
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has been disciplined in Catholic school
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Genuine nuns, I imagine
