It’s been fifty (50!) years since the only Exorcist movie worth seeing was made. That doesn’t stop the genre from happening, unfortunately. Apparently, we all like to believe that our unruly children are possessed by the devil rather than the product of our unimpressive gene pool. The appeal is tempting, but the truth is weak.
This time around the gimmick is two possessions for the price of one! The Exorcist: Believer furnished us with 100% more possessed children than the average Exorcist film. Don’t I feel lucky? Well, don’t I? No. Not especially. I mean, other than the tag teaming, there isn’t much here. Hey, why didn’t they switch heads? Now that would be something, huh?
Let me backtrack. Photographer Victor Fielding (Leslie Odom Jr.) is on vacation in Haiti, a place where no good movie thing ever happens. Sure enough, a massive earthquake fells a hotel where his very pregnant wife is napping. Next scene, Victor is forced to choose between wife and unborn child. That can’t possibly be a real choice, can it? I mean, one emergency c-section and then you no longer have to choose, right? Are you honestly telling me that if you save the mother while the child is in utero, the living child is necessarily going to die? Clearly, I dunno jack about medicine.
Thirteen years later, the baby survived only to go on an evil field trip. Angela (Lidya Jewett) and her bestie Katherine (Olivia O’Neill) went traipsing off after school into Hell itself. Aw, these kids today. My parents went to a malt shop. I used to hang out at an arcade called Silverball, but Hell? What is this generation thinking?
So, it turns out that both girls are possessed, which is kinda like having two lazy eyes. It’s also kinda cool in a way, cuz you can hear the parent in you say, “if your friend went to Hell and got possessed, would you go, too?” And the answer is an emphatic, “YES!” Anyhoo, when Katherine is taken to church and suddenly
erupts at the idea of Holy Communion, her bible-thumping parents are suspicious that something might be up. All of this leads to, of course, a double-stuff exorcism with extra blood filling. Mmmmmmm.
One of the things that struck me in this film was how much fun the girls seemed to be having during the exorcism itself. Look at ‘em – taunting, laughing, threatening demonic obliteration. This is quite optimistic when you think about it – are they frowny and grumpy about classes and work and boys? No sir! They’re making plans for the future. Demonic possession is sadly underrated.
The Exorcist: Believer didn’t get me to believe much. And it tried. There is clearly a link between Victor’s faith in God and the survival of his child. Perhaps it is both stupid and naïve of me to object, but exorcism films aren’t about God. I mean, perhaps they could or even should be, but really this is a monster genre. The religious milieu is simply a vehicle to tell a monster story. Exorcism on film is no more about religion than Chucky films are about toys or Godzilla films are about reptiles. I’m not a fan of being preached at and certainly not in a monster movie. Yeah, fine, you can make some silly statement about the “folly of man” like any Godzilla film, but no Godzilla film pushes you to join a membership of scientists for safety. This film is essentially advocating we find our faith to ensure demons don’t claim our children. Yeah, ok.
Sure, demonic possession is a menace
But know what the other side of this fence is?
While the solos are fun
They don’t get it done
Satan needs a doubles partner in tennis
Rated R, 111 Minutes
Director: David Gordon Green
Writer: Peter Sattler, David Gordon Green, Scott Teems
Genre: Oh good, the priest is back
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Believers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Horrified helicopter parents
