Barry Keoghan is a weird actor. I imagine him as one of these guys who is so method that he ends a day of shooting and forgets who he is. He was weird in The Killing of a Sacred Deer; he was weird in The Banshees of Inisherin; and now, given the lead role in Saltburn, he brought a level of cringe that would be difficult to replicate.
This, of course, is my biggest problem with Saltburn – the decided lack of an audience worthy protagonist. Oh, you can side with the weird “scholarship kid” if you like, and yet, will you be rewarded for your loyalty? HA! Not even close.
Oliver Quick (Keoghan) is a first year at Oxford. He immediately proves so awkward that the need for hazing in nonexistent. It takes exactly one meal for him to become an outcast, temporarily siding with the only mate -a complete wet blanket- who will listen to his drivel. Gee, you should see the other guy.
Just like Priscilla one month ago, Oliver falls for Jacob Elordi. Felix Catton (Elordi) is the tall, handsome, and extremely wealthy heir to Saltburn, a castle-like estate that only exists on HBO. After Oliver gets the wet blanket treatment from -literally- everybody else, he happens upon a grand piece of luck: Felix has a flat tire and cannot bike to class. Oliver lends him his own bicycle and the two instantly become mates. Their relationship intensifies when Oliver reports the death of his father. Felix, in turn, insists that Oliver should spend the holidays at Saltburn, the majestic home of people who are better than others.
Quietly, the film reveals several new players without revealing any new plot points, which is quite a feat. From Rosamund Pike to Carey Mulligan, Saltburn houses a treasure trove of Royal Tenenbaums knockoffs. These are people for whom privilege is such a developed expectation that they hardly know 
what charity means. And all the while, Oliver remains an awkward mystery. What we know of him is his parents are/were drug-dealing addicts. On screen, Oliver continues to vacillate between being awkward and shy pawn and being the gamemaster himself. Who is Oliver and what are his true motivations?
Well, I can’t tell you that. I wish I could, but, seriously, no plot truly worth reporting in this film happens until we’re already 90 minutes in. This is all a shame because this film exists in the psychological realm far more than the entertainment realm.
Saltburn is a quality intellectual film, but a poor enjoyment one. As I mentioned above, if you bother sympathizing with the “hero” for lack of a better word, you’ll get salt-burned. And there is literally no other character to sympathize with in the entire film. While I could appreciate the nasty dark comic nature of Saltburn as presented by writer/director Emerald Fennell, the film felt to me like someone was inspired by the Yorgos Lanthimos charade they saw the other night. I’m giving this film a pass, but not a strong one; Saltburn left me empty and unsatisfied.
A hard case named Oliver Quick
Proved a basket case academic
So his mate gave him pass
To the untouchable class
Where he wades like a weighted-down brick
Rated R, 127 Minutes
Director: Emerald Fennell
Writer: Emerald Fennell
Genre: Wait for it …
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Protagonist? Schmotagonist!
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone see a plot point around here? Anyone? Anyone?
