Doncha just hate it when the heron that’s been stalking you all day turns out to be a weird guy in a bird suit? I hate that. Welcome, one and all, to “… and then 17 more crazy things happened,” a.k.a. “Miyazaki, 2023.” Perhaps I should rephrase. That almost makes it sound like there are Miyazaki films in which crazy crap doesn’t happen. To be sure, there are, but … they’re not the ones anyone has seen.
Yes! Yes! Yes! Anime fans just got an early Christmas present from legendary writer/director Hayao Miyazaki. The man who invented animation for people who love spectacle but don’t like to laugh has come out of retirement to make yet another stylish, visually fascinating, and totally incomprehensible cinematic experience. Let’s give a high-five to Hayao. Yahoo.
Today’s tale of “WTF just happened?” is The Boy and the Heron, a magical tale about a boy who lost his mother to a bombing in WWII, but ultimately gained … a heron. I think. I still can’t tell what the ending means. The scene is 1943 Tokyo and 12-year-old Mahito Maki (voice of Soma Santoki) is rendered motherless when a bomb takes out the hospital where she works.
Speaking of “works,” in the very next scene dad is remarried (who ordered a new mom?) to mom’s sister, Natsuko (Yoshino Kimura). Yeah, I think it’s a little appropriate to raise an eyebrow here, especially as Natsuko is already pregnant as well. She immediately collects Mahito and carts him off to her estate 
by the sea where Mahito is immediately hounded by a grey heron. There are also between 6 and 20 weeble-wobble shaped grandmothers hanging around the place for no apparent reason.
And in the next set of scenes, Mahito goes out on his own alone to check out the area. The heron speaks to him about finding his mom and then Mahito is swallowed up temporarily by an army of frogs. Woo-hoo, frogs! And none of this yet is the really fantastical part. You’ll know that when Natsuko suddenly goes missing and Mahito takes it upon himself to “find” her, too. I’m not going to spoil any more of the plot, but you’ll know you’ve hit “WTF?” capacity when Dave Bautista shows up voicing the parakeet king. Yes, the parakeet king. The royal budgie. The regal finch. The crowned canary. Did I lose track of what was going on here? Yes, I most certainly did. Does it matter? I seriously doubt it.
Suffice to say, Mahito does his own thing, finds a new world, crazy crap happens, and maybe he finds mom, mom’s 
sister, a life guardian or two, and peace of mind. I’m not sure any of these things, but I wasn’t in the film. Geez, that Miyazaki can make the Hell out of a movie, huh? Just know this is the kind of film in which a great pelican speaks, “we eat the warawara and the fire maiden burns us” and it makes perfect sense, cuz, you know you can’t have those asshole pelicans eating all the warawara, knowwhatI’msayin’? Heck, even I don’t know what I’m saying.
The Boy and the Heron is the kind of film which seems normal for a while and then eight inexplicable things in a row happen, none of which seem to phase our hero. Between this film and Godzilla Minus One, it is clear to me that WWII was a seriously f***ed up time in Japan. I’m sure we feel little sympathy because they were the enemy, but the whole country must have had PTSD without telling anybody and it only comes out in slivers, like this incomprehensible Miyazaki masterpiece. I don’t pretend to understand all of The Boy and the Heron. Heck, I don’t pretend to understand any of The Boy and the Heron, but it is certainly a visual feast and an extremely well-considered tale. I hope people who can understand it feel that way as well.
There once was a battle-scarred lad
Who escaped the big city so sad
Then mom number two
Got into a stew
And bird-man became his surrogate dad
Rated PG-13, 124 Minutes
Director: Hayao Miyazaki
Writer: Hayao Miyazaki
Genre: “I don’t get it”
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: “It’s Miyazaki; you’re not supposed to get it.”
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “I still don’t get it.”
