Chocolate and dreams are gonna be winning topics with millions of people no matter how shitty they’re presented. That’s just going to happen. So take my words with a grain of salt. If you present your children with Wonka, the quintessence of chocolate and dreams, you’ve hedged your bets considerably. Sometimes, as a parent, that’s all you can do –well, aside, of course, from unveiling the 1971 original.
Opening in delightful song “A Hatful of Dreams,” Willy Wonka (Timothée Chalamet) descends upon an unsuspecting continent to make the chocolate empire in his mind into a reality. As the song begins, he cheerfully notes the possession of 12 sovereigns only to have that number become zero by the time he’s finished singing. As a result, he immediately falls into a con run by the inn-keeper and his wife from “Les Miz.” This will dominate all of Wonka’s decisions for the film as the following day, he owes a lifetime worth of debt and indentured servitude to the innkeeping couple all because he can’t read.
Yes, Willy Wonka can’t read. I’m not sure how the film 1) got away with that 2) was able to present it as happily co-residing within Willy Wonka’s erudite confidence or 3) make sense of the fact that his doting mother (as seen in flashbacks) never taught him how to read. Never mind; this fantasy is already too silly.
Aside from the whole hotel/jail scenario, Wonka has another problem: the local owners of chocolate production do not want their Wonkas Willied. They are willing to go to impressive means to make sure Wonka chocolates never gains a foothold in their backyard.
As an aside – umm, look pal, that’s capitalism. Were you hoping for the political/economic structure where the ultra-talented are necessarily put in situations that exploit and reward their personal forte? This ain’t it,
chief. Capitalism is the one where powerful people use the means at their disposal to make sure competition isn’t a thing, no matter the talent of the opposition. If you’re American, you’ve seen this many, many, many times whether you care to admit it or not.
Hence, the film is about one absurdly optimistic and unrealistic manboy collecting friends and fighting the world to make his dream come true. It’s a little like “One Piece” without the action … or the humor. Aiding Willie are his fellow hotel jail residents, most notably, Noodle (Calah Lane), a graduate of Street Urchin Academy (home of the Artful Dodgers). She helps him milk a giraffe. Don’t ask.
Look, Wonka definitely has some smiles: I like the tongue-in-cheek of the three sovereign penalty Wonka incurs for daydreaming and the chief of police (Keegan-Michael Key) being constantly bribed in chocolate, and film historians have another addition to the must-see list of Hugh Grant dancing scenes. However … regardless of what it says, Wonka is a classic 6.6 on imdb – a few good moments, a few laughs, a temporary extraction from life, and if you NEED to love it, you can and you will. But -don’t kid yourself- nothing in Wonka ranks anywhere close to the original. Gene Wilder needed little more than inflection to get your attention. Timothée Chalamet is at his best when moving. His voice isn’t going to win this film, but his playful prancing might.
I don’t necessarily want to discourage anyone from watching Wonka; I just say there are better. Much better exist, including Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, a better film by any measuring convenience one cares to name.
There once was a magical chocolatier
Who entered a new land without fear
Mere hours later
He was in trouble greater
With new rivals hoping he’d just disappear
Rated PG, 116 Minutes
Director: Paul King
Writer: Simon Farnaby, Paul King
Genre: Somebody is cashing in
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Fan of chocolate? Fan of dreams?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Perhaps you’ve been spoiled by Gene Wilder
