You never quite knew how cringe-worthy Top Gun was until it got thrown right back in your face, huh? Today, Top Gun has a spicy flavor and the homoerotic volleyball is exchanged for multi-hued line dancing, but it’s the same film. Just remember that today it’s about “Tricolor,” not the stars and stripes.
Raise hands everybody who knew India had an air force. I guess that one doesn’t surprise me … or shouldn’t have surprised me. Sometimes, being American one forgets that the objective world-wide is NOT to advertise your military; only asshole nations do that. It’s best if other nations know they exist and leave them to their own homoerotic volleyball … or homoerotic cricket as the case may be.
So, to be clear, this film is Top Gun: India. Tom Cruise is played by the three thumbed Hrithik Roshan. Shamser Pathania (Roshan), aka Shammi, aka Patty. Yes, “Patty,” the Indian equivalent of Maverick has a call sign “Patty.” This by itself is unfortunately hilarious; you should know that Indian Maverick is an ultra-talented super-ace who often flies solo and doesn’t play by the rules. He introduces himself to us with a “lower inverted run” (flying upside-down over the runway instead of landing). Cuz, ultimately, he’s a big show-off, too. Huh, where have I heard all this before? BTW, he also owns a motorcycle. :eyeroll:
I should point out here that Patty isn’t just a flying ace, he’s a Fighter. Good for him.
The homoeroticism of Top Gun has been sadly minimized here by the fact that the main Pattycake is also a badass pilot. Sure, Minal Rathore (Deepika Padukone
) shows up on the scene all hot and cool at the same time. She commands the boys and can fly with anybody. That’s quite a blow for equality. I mean, they don’t allow her on any missions or anything despite her enormous set of talents, but still, quite a blow for equality.
Muslim jihadists are a good punching bag for any action heroes these days and the “Air Dragons” are going to meet their match in terrorist organization Guruvadi, led by the curiously beardless Azhar Akhtar (Rishabh Sawhney). Do bad guys get to sing and dance in Indian film? Cuz I’d really like to see that. Akhbar is determined to decimate the Indian military starting with the air force at Srinagar. Uh oh, I think our heroes are stationed there!
Fighter is a film that constantly asks, “Did you like Top Gun? Cuz we can do that.” If Hrithik isn’t Hrithinking above, he’s pleasing below. Check out the scene where he swindles dinner from two ladies just by smiling. (It’s kind of a running gag that stops running almost immediately.) The film is too long by at least 40 minutes … and -good lord- did it get jingoistic. The “YAY INDIA!” theme is a serious slap-in-the-face to any Top Gun fan … um, yeah, the militaries of all countries are like this. There isn’t really a “Bad News Bears” war scenario. Top Gun is likely to be remade -eventually- in some form by every country that both has an air force and wields a camera with any skill. Just wait. Despite its obvious flaws and unintentionally hilarious redundancy, Fighter is better than it isn’t. And I love the idea of Top Gun the musical … so long as you deep-six the cringe of that “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ “ nonsense.
Nobody needs to see that again.
An Indian flying call sign Patty
Drove both friends and enemies batty
For his skills went unmatched
Yet his duty, detached
When you’re cool, all else is bureaucratty
Not Rated, 166 Minutes
Director: Siddharth Anand
Writer: Siddharth Anand, Ramon Chibb, Abbas Dalal
Genre: Other countries have enemies, too!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Indian nationalists
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Pakistanis
