For the record, I find it most refreshing when people from other cultures act just as silly as I do. For me, that’s my hope in the world: that all of us recognize we are capable of dropping an ice cream cone, committing a fashion mistake, or falling for an internet scam. It happens. It makes you human. Am I going to fund a Nigerian Prince now? Of course not. But did my brain try to talk me into it the first time I saw the poor guy reach out? Of course I did. There are worse things than understanding we all contain levels of genius and certain levels of idiocy.
Speaking of levels of idiocy … well, that’s not fair. High school freshman Ilyas isn’t an idiot by any stretch. He’s just a fish-out-of-water and has made some very poor choices. Ilyas (Atharva Verma) is a California Muslim kid who has had a Mustache since he was ten. By religious tradition, his parents have disallowed him to shave it off. This puts Ilyas in a precarious position because he looks more mature than he is. That’s a difficult road to travel in junior high … and it’s not even his fault.
Lacking the funds for private Muslim school, ma and pa Ilyas have shipped Ilyas off to public school where he has gone from one of many Muslims to a group by himself … and he hates it. So the bulk of this film becomes Ilyas trying to figure out how to get his parents to yank him out of public school.
And you just know there’s nothing good that can come of that premise, right?
I smile just thinking about it. Imagine being 13 and wanting to switch schools WITHOUT telling your parents you want to switch schools. Do you think there’s any path towards that objective that makes Mr. and Mrs. Ilyas feel overjoyed about their child? I suppose, 
technically, there is. I mean, suppose Ilyas aces everything and somehow convinces his parents that he belongs in a more challenging school. Oy, that’s a long shot. As a parent, I’d likely respond with, “Why move him? He’s thriving where he is!”
So Ilyas gets an idea based on the Muslim taboo against having a girlfriend at Ilyas’ age: he will make up a girlfriend and leave love notes addressed to himself for his parents to find. In the meantime, Ilyas really has fallen for an older girl which leads him to the drama club. Uh oh, it’s that dangerous drama crowd you’ve heard so much about. (Or at least, that’s how a paranoid Muslim family might view it.)
Mustache has a very “Wonder Years” feel to it. It’s hard not to sympathize with Atharva Verma and the forehead-slapping energy he brings to the role, yet such discounts the charming performances of all his family members, his fake girlfriend, her crowd, and the girl who ought to be his girlfriend if such things were allowed. The subject matter is delightful if both a little tame and a little shallow. Mostly we leave the theater asking, “What happens next?” and wondering about the other people in Ilyas’ life. This film works better as a pilot for a TV show.
And there’s no question I’d watch that show.
There once was a Muslim teen
Who found his new school less-than-keen
So he plotted a path
To incur parent wrath
He was better off being unseen
Not Rated, 81 Minutes
Director: Imran J. Khan
Writer: Imran J. Khan
Genre: Sucks to be a teen
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Sympathetic teenagers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Bigots
