Who doesn’t love a good robot uprising, huh? How is it in real life the future is always, “how do I cheat death?” but on film it’s always, “what do we do about these damn robots?” Well, darnit, once again the scourge is coming from inside the house in Mars Express, which I keep confusing with the ship in “Futurama.”
It’s the 23rd century and we’re all playing a giant game of “Do you know where your robot is?” The aftermath of a robot uprising is happening in the alleyways and most of the androids that weren’t put down now protest in the streets. If FOX news still exists in the 23rd century, I’m pretty sure they’ll still take the wrong side of whatever is being protested. Meanwhile, on Mars -yeah, Mars is a thing and it resembles an enhanced version of the one in Total Recall – a student has been found dead at Mars U (the Fightin’ Marvins) in the Alan Turing dorm. That’s cute, huh?
Detective/bounty hunter/ex drunk Aline Ruby (voice of Léa Drucker) is on the case. And if she can get government approval, her synthetic partner will join in on the detecting. Aline’s sidekick is
a part-robot, part-hologram of a deadbeat dad named Carlos (Daniel Njo Lobé). Luckily, Carlos’ technology is so outdated he never gets caught in standard robot upgrade shenanigans, making him like a perfect partner and a robot incel at the same time (as noted from his visits to the ex- who wants nothing to do with him).
This is all useful because rogue robots are on the loose. Apparently, a rogue robot (one who dismisses the three laws) scenario is called a “jailbreak.” I didn’t know that, but that term gets a fair amount of use in this film.
Mars Express feels like the season end to a show you haven’t been watching, like some friend told you “YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS!” And you respond, “Do I need any background to watch the finale?” And while the answer to that is, “No,” I feel very strongly that had I known more about Aline and Carlos going in, I’m sure the conclusion to this film would be a lot more powerful than it came off. Generally, I like to feel numb for the incomprehensibility of the human condition … and not just because a film ended. Mars Express has some moments, but boils down to very little that is either poignant or memorable.
There was futuristic detective, Aline
Who was tough in the crime-busting scene
Yet when Mars was in play
She became easy prey
The red planet made this veteran look green
Not Rated, 88 Minutes
Director: Jérémie Périn
Writer: Jérémie Périn, Laurent Sarfati, Jeffrey Paul Kearney
Genre: Our screwed future
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Robots?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Technophobes
