I was describing this movie aloud to another person and slowly realized there was nothing in it I could really recommend. Granted, my audience at the time wasn’t into horror. And still, it was difficult to pretend that any part of The Strangers: Chapter 1 might appeal to an average moviegoer.
The basic plot of The Strangers: Chapter 1 is as follows: two hipster jerks get lost in Oregon. First, they’re harassed by one set of locals, then they’re hunted for sport by a different set of locals. At no point in the film do we believe the couple has control of the situation and, in fact, they make a few moves so egregious that we wonder if they don’t deserve their fate.
Now what part of that are you looking forward to seeing, hmmm?
Picture this moment of “only in a horror film” stupidity: Twentysomething Maya (Madelaine Petsch) has been left on her own in a two-story house miles from civilization or any neighbor for that matter. There’s a creepy stranger outside with boundary issues. In addition, Maya has reason to believe there might be somebody in the house. So, naturally, she takes a shower. My eyes almost rolled clear out of their sockets at that point.
Let me backtrack to get to this moment of lucid incomprehension … the can’t-commit-couple of Maya and Jeff (Ryan Bown) are driving through the woodsiest woody woods of nowhere, Oregon when they decide to stop for lunch. The people outside the diner are hostile. The people inside the diner are hostile. Instead of blowing it off, Jeff loses his temper more than once. Retreating to his car, Jeff finds that it won’t start and immediately accuses the mechanic (who is right there) of shenanigans.
Lacking for options, the two reluctantly allow for their car to stay the night while they get driven to the empty b & b in the middle of the woods. If this house has a neighbor, we never get a hint of it. And yet, just a short time after accepting the empty house as their evening, Maya
and Jeff get a harsh rap on the door. Because of poor lighting, the young woman on the other side of the door appears as just a silhouette. She asks for “Tamora.”
And even when rejected, she doesn’t really leave. But Jeff does. For food and his inhaler. Leaving Maya alone with the Tamora questioner still outside somewhere and possible footsteps from the second floor. So, naturally, she takes a shower. SMH.
The film devolves from here. The Strangers are masked, weapon-wielding vandals who have no objective other than to screw with Maya and Jeff.
I get that certain people like to be scared. They appreciate horror for the sake of horror. But how do you recommend this film even at that low bar? I found it impossible to empathize with Maya or Jeff for the poor decisions they make, but I don’t really jive with a set of masked homicidal maniacs, either. This is the kind of film in which the creepy masked guy is already in a room; he’s just taking his time. Nobody’s in a hurry here. The villains remind me of old men in porches who hang out in rocking chairs. You have to take stalking in stride; you can’t just make it happen. There’s plenty of tension in this film; Renny Harlin has certainly made the film he wanted to make, which makes it all the sadder that it feels so empty and all the more criminal that Renny deliberately cut the action short to sell a Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 later this year. Are any of these characters worth it? SMH
There was once a citified tandem
Who stopped in diner at random
This move, in error
Became a world of terror
All the noise here created little fandom
Rated R, 91 Minutes
Director: Renny Harlin
Writer: Bryan Bertino, Alan R. Cohen, Alan Freedland
Genre: Horror for the sake of horror
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: You really gotta love the genre
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Eyerollers
