There’s a lot of room in between “supportive parent” and “parent curious.” A Family Affair marches so far down the “curious” path it borders on abusive. And the abuse is completely on the neglectful, let’s call it the “Trump” side, where children are mere extensions of one’s personality to support or ignore at will whatever the situation requires, and not on the deliberately hurtful side – or at least I hope that wasn’t the case; I already disliked this film.
Zara (Joey King) is an aspiring Hollywood producer. She’s 24, but we’ve seen sillier, of course. I’m sure Hollywood has plenty of 24-year-old producers. Her big break is in the hands of an ogre. Superstar action hero Chris Cole (Zac Efron) is the kind of egotistical self-important jerkwad one prays their child never meets, let alone works for. Zara has become Woman Friday for her boss. She takes care of every one of his needs, no matter how trivial.
The relationship opens with Zara stuck in El Lay traffic while Cole breaks up with his flavor of the week. He is pissed because the breakup process involves a parting gift of diamond earrings (currently with Zara) and Zara’s tardiness has now made the breakup awkward instead of sweet.
BTW, have you ever driven in Los Angeles? Seriously, try getting from anywhere to anywhere in a reasonable amount of time.
Point is, that instead of producing Chris and his bloated films, Zara is his ego-booster, wine-taster, and dry-cleaning transporter. And Chris is a dick about all of it. Naturally, Zara quits; no job is w
orth working for a monster … which makes the relationship all the worse when Chris starts dating Brooke Harwood (Nicole Kidman). Brooke is Zara’s mother. I say “dating.” Truth is, Zara discovers the relationship when she comes home and finds mom porking Troy Bolton.
Awkward.
Seriously. What would you do if you showed up at your parent’s house and your mother was having sex with Zac Efron? Yes, I admit there’s humor here, even if I am appalled by the circumstance.
Brooke and Chris together are kind of sweet, but the romance has nothing on Notting Hill. Meanwhile, the film focus remains on Zara as she destroys all of her own life in a fit over her mother and boss destroying her life. Personally, I’m sorely unimpressed with the handling of triangle. It is one thing to be an unsupportive parent; it is another entirely to welcome your child’s instrument of torture into your life and start having sex with it. The film tries to compensate by supporting a thesis that Zara is her own worst enemy as if to justify the behavior, but I (and most parents I know, hopefully) are having none of it.
A Family Affair simply isn’t funny, racy, or romantic enough to justify the poorly written relationships in the film. This is exactly the kind of thing people dread when they see the “Netflix” label … Nicole Kidman! Zac Efron! Joey King! How bad could it be?! Unfortunately, there’s an answer to that rhetorical. To be fair, it could have been worse … but it sure wasn’t good.
There once was a gopher named Zara
Who quit her job a ran off a far-a
But her boss found her mom
And now they’re both the bomb
Peace of mind will have to wait ‘til tomorra
Rated PG-13, 111 Minutes
Director: Richard LaGravenese
Writer: Carrie Solomon
Genre: Lesser fantasies
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The kind of person who is gaga for Zac Efron
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Doting parents
