Harold and the Purple Crayon is the kind of film that gets made when people forget why films are made. This is not a new conclusion. I first remember first having this thought while watching Twins, bit I’m sure it’s far older than that. Harold and the Purple Crayon is based on a children’s book about a small boy who draws things and they come to life. It’s not difficult to see the appeal of such. It plays upon imagination, fantasy, and empowerment. But none of this 10-minute read translated naturally into a feature-length cinematic fantasy. Oh, I can easily see how the film was greenlighted, but what are we supposed to do after that point?
The powers involved decided to make Harold an adult and make his animal friends Moose and Porcupine into Lil Rel Howery and Tanya Reynolds, respectively. And put them in the “real world” where they can interact with Zooey Deschanel and Jemaine Clement, as one does in the real world.
To kick off this absurdity, Harold’s narrator disappears, prompting Harold to look for him. This seems quite a fourth-wall plot, but I’ve seen worse. Speaking of worse, next we see Harold (Zachary Levi) in a Providence park wearing a blue onesie. Shortly thereafter, Moose, now the human Lil Rel Howery shows up and the two engineer the stratagem of creating a tandem bicycle to go search for the narrator. This last about 15 seconds until Terry (Deschanel) hits them with her car. Well … “forces them off the road” is a better description; there is nothing hard-hitting in this film.
Parents not alerted to the potential danger of a grown man in a onesie with no sense of personal space in public park get a vivid double dose when Terry allows her child to bully her into housing the homeless and aimless pair for the night. In the morning, Harold draws everybody breakfast (blueberry pie) which reminded me of Linus making cocoa by adding a brown crayon to hot water.
Did I mention that Terry, despite being a single mom and a trainee at a superstore, owns a big house in the suburbs? Sure, if you’ll buy the crayon-makes-things angle, you’ll probably buy anything, right?
At this point, the movie forgot it needed a villain and introduced one in librarian and failed writer Gary (Clement). Making a librarian a villain in a children’s book adaptation seems a particularly poor choice, but as this
film was replete with poor choices, I’m not sure how any single one stands out at the moment.
Speaking of poor choices: Zachary Levi. When are we done with him as a leading man? I liked his voice work in Tangled; he was well-suited for that role. After that? I am at a loss. Even with Shazam, which we liked, please point out the scene that was made better because of Levi. In my mind, all I see is Shazam 2 in which Levi’s presence made every scene worse. I can’t say the same of Harold and the Purple Crayon, but Levi sure didn’t make anything better. I guess I believe him as an innocent dope, but beyond that, he’s, well, useless.
It all seems like nit-picking at this point, but the dynamics of the fantasy also elude me here. The car has a flat tire, so Harold pulls out his crayon, draws a circle, and poof a purple radial tire capable of replacing the existing flat with no loss of integrity. I’m gobstruck by how stupid that is. I can go into a tire store with information in hand and still make the wrong choice of tire. Harold just draws a circle. Is it a donut? A clock? A pog? A button? A basketball? No, it’s a radial tire exact replica of the one its replacing, except in purple. Shouldn’t specificity be part of the criteria before a thing comes to life? A why can’t Harold draw better now that he’s grown up?
Look, Harold and the Purple Crayon isn’t as a bad as I’m making it out to be. The film does play upon imaginations and I think it should entertain your weak-willed child. But this is not a good film. It wasn’t a good idea for a film, and none of the changes have improved that idea.
A man with a magic utensil
Opted for a quest quite immense-al
He achieved little ground
From his travels around
And he still hasn’t graduated to pencil
Rated PG, 92 Minutes
Director: Carlos Saldanha
Writer: David Guion, Michael Handelman, Crockett Johnson
Genre: We didn’t think this through
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Your five-year-old who draws on walls, maybe?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Parents, fans of movies
