it refreshing when aliens are morons? We’ve had so, so much unearthly conflict on screens this century that I think we’re all a little weary of battling superior life forms. How about if we just play a game of jacks and leave it at that?
Huh. Do people still play “jacks?” No. Probably not. However, our time-lagged spaceward transmissions came from an era of jacks, so it’s not impossible to believe that aliens coming here would be familiar with the game.
More importantly, these aliens would suck at it … because they pretty much suck at everything.
Our hero, for lack of a better word, is 11-year-old Earthling, Luis Sonntag (voice of Callum Maloney). Luis’ mother died a few years ago, and now Luis lives with his father, Armin (Dermot Magennis), who is up to levels of neglect previously unseen by mortal man.
“How neglectful?” you ask. Well, this film is about Child Protective Services collapsing on the Sonntag household when goofy aliens arrive, and for most of the film, I was rooting for CPS to find Luis a better home. Luis does all the cooking and cleaning in the house and basically takes care of everything. Dad is asleep all day because he spends all his nights searching the sky for aliens. Why he does nothing when he’s not asleep is, apparently a different story.
Turns out, dad is equally as bad at his UFO whispering as he is a parenting. It should be pointed out here that dad thinks all aliens are malicious. (Wow, you search the skies every night for things you’d like to kill? Wha
t kind of monster are you?) Not only does dad miss the aliens that do exist and do come to Earth, he also misses the point that they are friendly.
Meanwhile, in a spaceship above, three moron aliens go rogue looking for a QVC massage product, “Only 12 left!” All of this is insulting on a massive scale for anyone who has a career at NASA or in Child Protective Services. Which isn’t to say Luis and the Aliens is without charm or humor. In fact, it has both. I got a big laugh out of the idea that crop circles are just alien insult graffiti. And I love the part when dad denies needing to go to school at his son’s request because, “I have a PhD; I WON school!” Also, one has to enjoy an Earth described as 1/3 land, 1/3 water, and 1/3 high fructose corn syrup. Betting these writers have had their share of Hostess products.
Most of Luis and the Aliens is mindless drivel, suitable for little more than background entertainment. This isn’t an awful film, clearly, but it doesn’t have enough to say to demand your full attention … and that includes all you under-parented waifs out there.
Three beings from outer space
Visited an Earth to embrace
But their consistent fail
Means wherever they hail
Those beings must be a disgrace
Rated PG, 86 Minutes
Director: Christoph Lauenstein, Wolfgang Lauenstein, Seán McCormack
Writer: Wolfgang Lauenstein, Christoph Lauenstein, Jurgen Wolff
Genre: Don’t worry, aliens are friends
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Xenophiles?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “How did a superior race get so stupid?”
