Wouldn’t it be great if you could chalk up all your bad dating experiences to “turns out I’m gay?” I would love to chalk up every bad experience I’ve ever had on the dating front … the getting stood up, the terrible movie, the ex- comparison … everything, to “turns out I’m gay.” At that point, I might at least get to the place where it might not be my fault. Those bad times before … yeah, it was my fault. Be nice not to have to own it just once. Alas.
Hannah (Julia Lester) is gay. This is going to come as a big surprise to her boyfriend, Greg (Kenny Ridwan). Did anybody explore whether Greg is also gay? High school boys aren’t really into “Glee.” They also tend to shy away from outrageous romantic gestures, like when Greg hijacks a school assembly to prompose to Hannah with a tailored version of “Day-o.” (“Prom night come and me no wanna go alone.”) He is backed by singing bananas.
Of equal concern is Hannah’s bff, Jess (Antonia Gentry). Jess isn’t gay, but seems to have miserable taste in men. Years ago, Hannah and Jess made a pact to get Prom Dates as seniors. The pact was sealed in blood, or would have been, but Hannah -misjudging the pressure needed- cut her hand so badly as to require hospital attention. This is intended as humor, and works as such when we follow the montage of mediocrity sequence that carries Hannah and Jess to senior year. It takes charismatic leadership and determination to traverse the perils of the “pole vaulting club” and the “popsicle appreciation club.”
Of course, it wouldn’t be a teen prom film without our heroes imploding right before the event. Jess catches her boyfriend cheating on her the night before prom. Geez, dude, you couldn’t wait a single day? Meanwhile, Greg informs Hannah that he is transferring from Stanford to Penn State (and even into her dorm) so the two can be together in college. Hannah cracks and breaks up with Greg, finally admitting to more than herself that she’s gay. So now both teens are dateless for Prom; let the games
begin!
Here’s the problem with almost all teen comedies of this nature – it is not that the antics are childish or stupid. They are. We expect that going in. We expect teens to make bad choices so maybe they’ll learn something … or at least teach something. The part that bugs me about Prom Dates -and this is not unique to Prom Dates– is when the girls turn on each other. I want to see that the bond between Hannah and Jess is stronger than Prom; that should be the point of the film. So when the two meltdown and scuttle their friendship over their stupid prom pact, well, the film loses me as a willing supporter. And up until this point, I was willing to support both Jess -who next selects a soulless Italian cannibal psychopath for her date- and Hannah – who unwittingly hits on her cousin. sigh
Seriously, I can deal with cannibalism and incest for comic purposes, but don’t let these friends be at each other’s throats. Can you do that movie? No. Well then, Prom Dates, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask some other movie to entertain me this evening.
Two teens named Hannah and Jess
Got themselves into a big mess
Their dates fell through
Leaving both girls blue
“It’s prom night, you up for a game of chess?”
Not Rated, 86 Minutes
Director: Kim O. Nguyen
Writer: D.J. Mausner
Genre: Movies you get tired of
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Closeted teens, I suppose
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Frustrated friends
