Oh yeah, Demi Moore was a thing once, wasn’t she? Perfectly cast in this bizarre sci-fi horror about a former A-lister trying to find her youth again, Ms. Moore has been active and yet paradoxically unseen for years (at least by me). Was she an actress who depended on her looks for quality roles? That seems to be the case … which is absurd, of course. At 62, she still looks good naked, and The Substance offers plenty of proof of that.
Elisabeth Sparkle (Moore) was once a big deal. Fame. Oscars. Fans. The story of her downfall is recounted in clever symbolism as we see a minute-long stop-motion over time from the inception of her star on the Hollywood walk of fame with groupies and photo ops to the weather-beaten present where, now cracked in three places, the square is a magnet for litter and careless food sloppage.
The actress still works; she hosts “Sparkle Your Life,” an exercise program with low ratings. Elisabeth Sparkle isn’t the draw she once was. By accident, she overhears her producer, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), wanting to get rid of her in favor of somebody younger and hotter. Those are the only qualifications he needs.
It is embarrassing how much better Dennis Quaid is playing a sleazy producer here than as President Ronald Reagan. Art knows what art knows.
The coup de grâce of this insult to graceful aging occurs when cruising Elisabeth spies her own billboard being torn down in Beverly Hills. This leads immediately to a car accident.
Luckily, this is one of those car accidents where no damage has been done. The happy accident, so-to-speak, turns out to be merely an excuse for a strangely hot young doctor to examine her back and state she’s a “good candidate.” Candidate for what, exactly?
Later, Elisabeth discovers a USB drive in her coat with a hand-written note attached. The video promises a new way to find “the best version of yourself.” To her credit, Elisabeth tosses the drive instantly. To her detriment, she retrieves it from the trash following a one-on-one lunch with Harvey.
So what does The Substance do? I’m not going to describe the lengths Elisabeth has to go just to get the starter kit, which is both sad and funny. Instead, picture this: Demi Moore, naked in her pristine and spacious antiseptic white home bathroom. She injects the “Activator.” Nothing happens for a bit, then she collapses on the tile floor in pain and shock; the skin up her spinal cord splits open, and out of her back crawls a naked Margaret Qualley, the “best version” of Elisabeth.
This whole thing is freaky. The original Elisabeth lays comatose while “Sue” takes over. First, of course, she has to attend to her elder doppelganger, sewing up Elisabeth’s spine and sticking her with a feeding tube. Then she has to attend to herself. The deal is each entity gets one week on, one week off. And to supply the younger version with “essence,” Sue needs to drain the
elder with a six-inch syringe plunged into the lower back aiming for the area of the belly button.
Keep in mind, both women are still naked. I won’t say this is the reason I go to so many movies, but -honestly- where else are you going to see something like this?
I kind of love that Margaret Qualley is deemed the younger Demi Moore. That sorta works. Honestly, I think Margaret Qualley, Mia Goth, Jessie Buckley can combine like power rangers to form one mega Demi Moore, circa G.I. Jane.
So I’ve described a lot, and yet there’s so much more to this film. All you have is the initial sci-fi part. The Substance is a movie about vanity, which is a far more intriguing sin than, say, wrath or gluttony. Here’s a question: are you jealous of your younger self? And, if so, why? Would you ever want to live as your younger self again if it wasn’t really you? One of the keys to this film is the understanding that there is balance. There HAS to be balance. But if you’re the kind of person who would go to such lengths to find youth again, would you have any respect for that balance? My guess is no, and the film follows.
The Substance feels like half-a-dozen other Cannes “gems” -from Triangle of Sadness to Annette– that I have loathed and trashed. However, I found The Substance brilliant, an awesome exploration of vanity and self-loathing. I knock it only for how derivative the idea feels. I swear I just saw this film when it was called Beauty Water or Uglies or Death Becomes Her or that episode of one of those “Twilight Zone” ripoffs where the people drank magic water to become young again. The Substance is not an easy watch. There is a ton of blood and ton of nudity … but isn’t this why we go to the movies? I know it’s one of my reasons. Put this one down for 2024 Top 10 status.
There once was an actress with Sparkle
Who, dismayed, found her profession hierarchal
So she got herself a kit
And then suddenly split
Now her twentysomething leaves her alone in the darkle
Rated R, 141 Minutes
Director: Coralie Fargeat
Writer: Coralie Fargeat
Genre: WTF?!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who live for weird
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The vain
