Gosh, and here I thought Hot Frosty was bad. I mean, it was bad. But at least it had a plot, I suppose. Before now, I really didn’t realize there were levels of desperation when making Christmas films. Haul Out the Holly screams of an executive so desperate to make any holiday film that they bypassed anything in the way of plot. There’s not even genuine romance in this film; it kinda seemed like this movie exists because the movie thought Lacey Chabert could really use a boyfriend.
The film should know that Lacey Chabert is a Hallmark holiday staple; she falls in love on film at least four times between Advent Calendar doors. In this film, at least they hook her up with another member of the Hallmark stable, Wes Brown. Between the two of these guys, they’ve romanced 
every member of Hallmark staff, their relatives, all of their Christmas card recipients … and each and every person who has watched the Hallmark channel at some point in their lives.
Geez, what is the plot here? Well, it’s Christmastime. So let’s start there. Emily (Chabert) has just broken up with her unimpressive beau. Her parents use the opportunity to invite her to her childhood home in Utah. This particular house is on a cul-de-sac so into Noel that it enforces rules regarding Christmas spirit. This may seem like fun, but it isn’t. No matter how joyful the season or presentation, nobody wants a Christmas Nazi.
Right before Emily rides into town, her parents leave for Florida, which is a Grade A dick move, especially for the kind of people who wrote the Christmas cul-de-sac rules. Yeah, I got a cul-de-sac for ya, and it’s just stuffed with all sorts of goodies. With Emily’s parents 
gone, the main enforcer of the local rules is Jared (Brown) … and he’s a dick about them, issuing citations right and left.
What happens if you don’t give an elf about the house display rules? I mean, suppose you don’t have a three-foot tall nutcracker? Where do you get one and why would you bother? Well, I never found out what happens if you don’t play by the Santa rules, cuz nobody in this film had cul-de-sac enough to tell Jared to stuff it.
Because this is a Christmas movie, Emily eventually gets with the program – although that transition was hardly evident- and falls for the Christmas Nazi -again, transition evidence hardly evident- This is a bad film in bad genre. Even the title: Haul Out the Holly is a line from a Christmas song nobody sings in public. This is truly a film that requires one to need Christmas spirit because there’s no other reason to watch it.
There once lived a woman around back
Who wanted Christmas by a different tack
So she made plans for home
While her parents did roam
Leaving her holding up Santa’s sack
Rated TV-G, 84 Minutes
Director: Maclain Nelson
Writer: Andy Sandberg (No. Not Andy Samberg), Jerry Herman
Genre: Films without wiki pages
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: How badly do you need a Christmas romance?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: How badly do you need a Christmas romance?
