thank god, the holidays. Didn’t we just do this last year? Oh yeah, I guess we did. While I am determined to pace myself this time around, a lot of holiday movies are going to be seen. A few of them are going to be reviewed. There are usually one or two new ones I like.
This ain’t one of ‘em.
As if challenged to make a deliberately stupid holiday film, Russell Hainline and Jerry Ciccoritti came up with Hot Frosty, a film in which an out-of-place hunky snowman magically turns into an out-of-place hunky real man. What is this time of year
good for, anyway, if not bullshit like this?
Kathy Barrett (Lacey Chabert) is a short-order chef or some fool thing. In the sweet little nothing town of Hope Springs, winter is upon us and Kathy’s apartment is frozen over. The owner of the local second-hand store gives Kathy a used scarf, which she immediately places on the snowman trying least to fit in. Most snowmen are blobs; Jack is more of a sculpture.
Naturally, Jack (Dustin Milligan) comes to life, naked-and-cut-like-a-mug. Sorry, the only visual you’ll get here is from the many sets of ogling female eyes. It’s kinda sad, huh? Were it a naked buxom snowwoman come to life, it would be criminal not to show something and the film would -rightly- get criticized for misogyny. But a snowMAN with six-pack abs can get drooled on by the entirety of the Book Club and nobody says a word.
Is Jack that hunky? Sure, why not. And since he melts in the sun, he’s always prancing about shirtless. This is the best part of the film. Seriously. Mostly, Jack is doofy, which holds a small amount of charm until it doesn’t.
Two people who know damn well they’re in a bad holiday film are Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truglio as local law. Mr. Robinson seems especially
at home overacting as the heavy in his neighborhood. I mean, somebody has to threaten Christmas, am I right? Let me walk back the “best part” stuff; truly the best scene was Jack and Sheriff Hunter (Robinson) having an impromptu ice-eating contest. That did make me smile.
I think there was also a moment where Chabert vaguely recalls Mean Girls, which is a nice tribute. Mostly, Kathy has to figure out that her new guest is a snowman come to life and then whether or not she should be romancing said ice sculpture. Cold hands, warm heart?
This attempt was a miss, as are most attempts at new Christmas film. You might watch it once, smile, and forget about it. You won’t watch it again next year; I can guarantee that.
There once was a six-pack snowman
He came to life like it was a plan
But he had to bail
With the fuzz on his tail
He’d do better within Manhattan
Rated TV-PG, 90 Minutes
Director: Jerry Ciccoritti
Writer: Russell Hainline
Genre: Netflix? Hallmark? What’s the dif?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: You gotta really LOOOOOOOVE Christmas
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone with taste
