There are child actors you worry about … and then there are child actors such a distant cry from talent that I don’t fear their life will be ruined by instant fame because such will never happen no matter how much exposure they get. Ryan Kaji is among them.
Look, I don’t feel great about laying into a twelve-year-old, but you showed up in a movie theater, Ryan. And that means you’re fair game, Sparky. And Ryan’s World the Movie: Titan Universe Adventure is an awfully big title for an awfully small film. Everything in this film is amateur, including the extended animated sequence.
Lemme back up, because my readers are going to need the same information I didn’t have before I saw the film: Ryan Kaji is a YouTube influencer. From what I understand, his parents Shion Kaji and Loann Kaji (who also produced and “acted” in the film) set up their child as an internet phenomenon by making toddler Ryan review toys. This wasn’t a terrible idea; I appreciate the entrepreneurial skill that went into the Kajis turning cute videos into a money-making endeavor. Hey, good for you guys.
Years later, Ryan makes his own videos where he is often plagued by his younger twin sisters Emma and Kate … who are kinda like the Japanese Olsen twins. The movie opens with Ryan performing a “magic” trick in which his sisters have stolen the -I’m not making this up- “magic goo” leaving Ryan and his audience hanging. There is not a single thing about this intro that suggests a genuine professional came within 30 kilometers of this shoot.
After the twins bedazzle a bike helmet, a frustrated Ryan and his friend Aiden (Evangeline Lomelino – does that mean this person is a genuine actor? That can’t poss
ibly be true. I’ll give her this – she does great hair acting) head to the comic book store where the kid behind the counter kinda tricks them into collecting a comic book where Ryan is a character (?!)
Turns out this is a magic comic book. It sucks the twins into the “Titan Universe” and Ryan, upon not finding his sisters, naturally concludes they’ve been sucked into the comic book. I’m not making up that part either. In the animated Titan Universe, everybody has superpowers and the kid running the counter at the comic book store doubles as the villain because this film was already pressed for budget having to employ two crappy child actors.
Ryan’s World the Movie: Titan Universe Adventure is a meaningless film lovingly made by people without a great sense for what truly entertains children. I’m sure their videos rock, but I’ll never know because there isn’t a single thing about this film that made me want to look up the Kajis on YouTube. I can’t even say this film left enough of an impression for me to put it on a worst list. I fell asleep twice (in an 83-minute film!), only to wake realizing I hadn’t missed a thing in either case. How this got to theaters is an absolute mystery; I wonder if the Kajis own incriminating photos; they certainly couldn’t generate any – their animation skills are quite clearly subpar.
There was once YouTuber called Ryan
Big on the net, I’m not lyin’
So they made him a flick
And it laid a giant brick
Mediocrity? He’s not quite defyin’
Rated Blah, 83 Minutes
Director: Albie Hecht
Writer: Rose Frankel
Genre: Amateur hour. Well, amateur hour and twenty-three minutes
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Ryan Kaji
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Any random spectator
